Cash Rules Everything Around Me

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I just got this in my college email inbox. There is only one word to sum the following email with... Golden.

To the Concordia Community:

On Thursday afternoon (Dec. 27), a camera was discovered behind a
vent in a locker room shower area in Memorial Auditorium. Campus
security personnel were immediately informed and they promptly called
in Moorhead police to help investigate the matter. Initial review of
the video by police provided compelling evidence of the perpetrator's
identity. A custodian who works in Memorial Auditorium was brought in
by the police for interrogation on Thursday night and the matter is
in the hands of the police and the county attorney's office pending
formal charges.

On Thursday, the employee was immediately suspended
and informed that he was not to return to campus pending discharge
from his position. We notified the employee on Friday morning that
he was officially terminated. We expect that he will be charged with
a crime before the weekend.

Our security personnel swept the entire auditorium for any other
recording devices and none were found. The police reported to us
that they believe this was an isolated occurrence and that no one was
ever observed by the perpetrator.

Mark J. Krejci, Ph.D.
Dean of the College &
Vice President for Academic Affairs
Professor, Psychology Department
Concordia College
Moorhead, Minnesota



I thought I was going to a Lutheran college.

They made me do it

I know the poll has been done for a while, but with me being so busy shopping for x-mas/playing videogames/helping forest critters I've been kind of busy. I'm not really sure how I would have wanted the voting to go so I guess I'll just take it as it came to me.

I've gotta keep the fans(people who want me to die a slow death) happy so the streak will go on for as long as it has to. Just as a heads up, I'm going to make sure that I don't go to the hospital but if I do I'll make sure it's bad ass. I'm not going to go down with any pansy-ass bullshit like having my stomach pumped.

p.s. any suggestions on how I can turn this into a fundraiser so I can make some money off of this?

Set your phasers to liver cirrhosis.

I didn't plan on not posting for so long because I expected that I would be fed up with doing nothing after a day of being home, but I was wrong... I love having nothing to do other than play Half Life 2 (which by the way is the best game I've played since the Metal Gear games of past). I'm back so I thought I'd put up some vaguely inappropriate comics just to show I'm back in spirit as well.

Everybody seems to have their own webcomic that they swear by, but before just a few months ago I rarely read them. I'm not going to say that any one comic is better than another, but I will say that my personal favorites which are "The Perry Bible Fellowship" and "Cyanide and Happiness" manage to connect with my style of humor quite well (which says a lot about who I am as a person).

I was drawn to The Perry Bible Fellowship as soon as I read the name because Goddamn, that's bad ass calling a webcomic a bible fellowship. Anyways here are just a few of my favorites...


How about another? I can't wait to do that to my kid when I steal him from the hospital.

More? You got it! Yee Haw!!

Has this post been going on too long? Fuck it, I'm doing one more.


There are also a handful that I wanted to put on, but didn't want a post that was way too long so I'll put them here, here, and here.

I'm also a fan of the comic Cyanide and Happiness, which takes an even cruder and in all honesty a "Sticheier" joke style. Enjoy.



Last one, I swear.

Startling Meditations On War, Love, And Power Vol. 1

Scandinavia Rocks

Two recent additions to my music collection that will prove useful to me and anyone else with same/similar goals of music enjoyment and study:

• Sigur Rós – Hvart-Heim
• Hvart, the first of the two discs, features a number of previously unreleased and even a few previously unrecorded songs. Heim contains live acoustic renditions from a tour they did in their home nation of Iceland in 2006-07. I could not be happier with this as study music for my finals next week.
• The Hives – The Black & White Album
• These Swedes have taken a rather over-done genre and made it something special. Their brand of pop rock always makes me glad, but is a bit excited for studying. This will be reserved for post-exam celebratory music. I'll let you know more after I've listened to it for awhile.

The point of this post? Bands not from Scandinavia should either move there, or stop making music.

Also: I bought Dumb Luck by Dntel, who is Jimmy Tamborello of the Postal Service. So far it is very good even though he ISN'T from Scandinavia.

Cancer says what?

Concordia College may just be a small Lutheran college in northwest Minnesota, but it is still full of many a rich traditions. Take for instance in the first week of school all incoming Freshman are required to wear yellow "beanies" to create some comradery (and allow for easier selection of hazing victims). There is also the assumption that if you walk under the bell tower alone you're doomed to never get married and live the rest of your days in squalor and more than likely a puddle of your own tears.

There is one more tradition that I had the pleasure of partaking in this evening and it was a hoot. It's known as "Smoking Away The Semester" and it consists of anybody and everybody that wants to grab a cigar and light up just outside the main doors. A nice sized crowd of about 30 or so people were huddled just outside the Erickson concourse, in true Lutheran fashion, smoking up a storm.

I had been confused about what night it was going to be on and I had assumed that it was to happen Thursday night so to my surprise when I got done taking a Spanish 111 final and saw Ellens and Darin with cigars in hand I knew I had made a terrible mistake. I jumped into my car and drove down main street and stopped at the local (there are 3 in a mile and a half radius of Concordia and MSUM) head shop "Mellow Moods" and bought myself a nice fat grape flavored Phillies Blunt for $1.25 which more than likely would have faced a very different fate if it had been bought by anyone else at the store.


With cigar in hand I dashed back to my dorm to grab my zippo that had been engraved with the Jegermeister and Bacardi 151 logos (thanks troy), but to my horror there wasn't a drop of fluid in the lighter. What's a boy to do? Well thanks to Chemistry and having lived in Crosby for about two years I knew that alcohol over 100 proof will light the fuck on fire if given a spark or a flame. Low and behold I had remembered that when Bob Lee came up a few weekends ago he had been nice enough to bestow upon me about 1/4 of a liter of Everclear which I had been trying to drink for the past week, but fuck dude... that shit is intense. Anyways I put 2 and 2 together to get 5 and filled up the Jegermeister Zippo with Everclear and what do you know? It lit up.

After all that tribulation I rushed down to the group of studious smokers and lit up... It was cold and I'm not a big fan on cigars, but you know what? It was a good time.

Highlights...

I had a certain satisfaction helping my RA light up his cigar with my everclear lighter and at one point he asked what kind of fluid I was using because the flame was a deep orange/blue flame that was nearly transparent. I told him it was Zippo brand.

Dude #1 - " I smell marijuana. Which one of you bastards are smoking marijuana?"
Dude #2 - "Dude, you are"
Dude #1 - "Oh yeah, that's right. What the fuck happened to my short-term memory?" followed by a fit of lighthearted giggles.

Dude #3 - "Man, I've got a solid buzz going right now."
Dude #4 - "That's probably the acid I dipped your cigar in the other day kicking in."
(Look of sheer panic on Dude #3's face)
Dude #4 - "Nah man, Just playin'"

GPA My Ass

Here at Concordia finals begin Wednesday in the A.M. which means time honored traditions like freebasing no-doz and consuming a month worth of adderall in a two day span are finally here. What does this mean for me? Well, it means that I'll be busting my ass and trying my best not to let any of my friends see me cry (although if a girl sees it in the right setting I'm sure I'll come off as sensitive = pity lovin' (the best kind)). This also means that I'll make more and more justifications for taking breaks including actual blog posts that aren't just videos from the internet. With that in mind expect a post very soon concerning something along the lines of this...




Fun Fact: Concorida's nursing program (the one I came here for) only accepts about 30 people into the program from each class which I found out the first day of school here and its based almost entirely on GPA. Sweet huh?

the streak

people gotta quit voting on stiche to end it. its a miraculous achivement and will continue to be.

Get me an avocado, an ice pick, and my snorkel.

I think I like this video so much because this is how I've always hoped it was in real life so I guess its my second shot at believing in Santa.

Question:

Once everyone has 'Hi-Def' television, will they just call it 'def'?

That's All Folks!

There is nothing that I can say that this Looney tunes short can't say for itself.


God bless America and patriotism

No Use Crying Over Spilt Milk

I got pretty inebriated last night.

While the whole night was fun, I recall one exchange that was particularly amusing.

A girl I know was waiting with my friend and me for our "Saferide" (a free taxi for students) to show up. They were about 10 minutes late, my friend and I had sobered up considerably, and we were moving to strike for home (about a mile walk). The girl protested, and the conversation went as so

Natalia: I've been down here with you guys for like an hour. We're not gonna give up on Saferide.
Me: Natalia, sunk costs are irrelevant.
Natalia: What?
Me: It doesn't matter how much time you've spent down here waiting for Saferide. It's not like you're going to get it back if we do take Saferide, or you'll have to wait more if we don't. All that should influence our decision making is whether the benefits of walking home right now outweigh the current costs.
Natalia:[three second pause] We're waiting for Saferide.

I probably was not that eloquent, but that is seriously what I was talking about at 2 a.m. last night. Christian Barnett would have been proud.

RX Queen

Alright... it's been another late fucking night doing homework that I've had to do all semester but decided to wait until the last minute to finish. As I've got my headphones on listening to the same shit I've listened to forever when I realized a solution to my music monotony was right here. I'm taking a quick break to ask for help from anyone who reads this. Do any of you have any good music suggestions for me to pick up because Weird Al's greatest hits is starting to wear thin and I need to find a new band/album/anything to listen to.


God bless you all

EDIT: I don't know how long this will last, but right now on Wikipedia the article on Uranus has just two words describing it... "Is Hairy!!!".
I don't know how long this will last so check it out while you can. Oh yeah, keep on coming with the music suggestions, I really dig the snippets of mute math and especially scatteredtrees that I've been able to find on the internet.

Never a Broken Man

After reading about Max and his assault on the Northwestern campus I felt I had to share this gem with you. The Freedom Fighter's Manual was a booklet that was dropped into Nicaragua by the CIA in the 80's designed to inform the citizens there how to fuck some dictator shit up. It starts out innocent enough with things like "leave lights on" or "Hoard and steal food from the government", but things quickly take a bad ass turn when the CIA tells them to slash tires and my personal favorite "How to make a Molotov cocktail". I knew that the CIA was into some shady shit back in the day, but goddamn son. Make me proud and fuck someones shit up people, but preferably "the man".



I know I've said this before, but where was this when I was 10?

Allison Army On The March

Tonight I joined a marauding band of snowball warriors and marched on the other dorms.

We took the campus.

We were like the damn Persian Empire, raping and pillaging, yelling "Join us or die!", knockin' over they snow men.

I have decided there are few things more entertaining than yelling "CHARGE!" and fucking screaming as you and 50 other people run straight at like 7 dudes in peacoats.

We blew people's minds and walked a mile north in the snow. We pwned the dorms up there, pegged a couple of security guards, and headed home victorious.

I am soaked through and exhausted and goddamn that was fun.

I'm Gonna Be Sick

This is one of the coolest videos I've seen in a while. My estimate for the total cost of the video might have been $1000 including editing costs. Oh yeah, don't watch this if you're sick or if you just took a hit of acid.

skeet skeet skeet again

I just creamed my pants . . . again. Anyways the vikings are going to win the wild card chase, possibly win the Nfc, and then proceed to get their salad tossed by the new england patriots. just thought id throw that out there.

Happy Happy Joy Joy.

I'm not sure how it was with the rest of you guys, but Moorhead got a decent amount of snow this weekend. I went to bed Friday night/Saturday morning in a drunken stupor around 4 in the A.M. and up to that point there was not a single flake in the air or on the ground which was kind of a buzzkill because I had heard it was supposed to snow sometime in the night and there are few things more fun that that first snow angel/snowball fight that gets a little out of hand. I woke up at the crack of noon (my roomate decided that noon was late enough to get up and start working on a paper... come on)and made my way to Darin and Ellen' room to see how they were doing and to my surprise there was a fucking blizzard going on outside that I had managed to not notice from my own window.

I was so excited for so many different reasons, but the biggest one was easily the fact that it gets way less depressing when there is snow. Up to that point Concordia gad been nothing more than just a shitty gray abyss of sorrow and corn, but with the snow there was at least some insentive to not just start cutting only to stop when the Nine Inch Nail track I had been listening to ended.

This leads me to something that I have been thinking about lately - a generic song list with a title that is only slightly funny/clever.

Songs that would make me cry if I wasn't already dead on the inside.
(In alphabetical order because its just too hard to think about them any more than I have to)

Alice in Chains - Down in a Hole - The title says it all and I get chills just thinking about it. The acoustic version is so depressing I get sad when I listen to Jack Johnson just because they both use an acoustic guitar.
Audioslave - Shadow on the Sun - Its not so much the lyrics, its just that it makes me think of the Tom Cruise film "Collateral" and any film where Tom dies, I die a little bit.
Beck - (All of "Sea Change", but in particular) Lonesome Tears - The whole album is devastatingly sad with tales of heartache and sadness, but the string section that backs this track up adds so much sorrow...
Ben Folds - Brick - Any track about getting a girlfriend pregnant and then an abortion will bring a bamf like me to my knees.
Coldplay - The Scientist - This track only gets me down when it isn't being played/sang by either Troy or Jeff Spear at a party with a piano.
Dethklok - Face Fisted - The lyrics are actually quite humorous and clever "You're as dumb as sand,Your mom's fucking fat, Your mom blew a rat, You are a mistake, You have sex with cake", but the sheer brutalness of it all brings me down. *Note-- don't type face fisted into google and expect to find lyrics... it was horrable.
Everclear - Heroin Girl - Yeah, this is about a girlfriend overdosing on Heroin... Bummer
Korn - Pretty - Lets be honest, every Korn song is depressing, but this one is just a little more so.
Nine Inch Nails - Hurt, The Great Below, any track from any album... - Trent Reznor never really set out to make uplifting music to be sang at chruch (although I'm sure there is at least a cult dedicated to the man) so yeah... not very full of sunshine.
Nirvana - All Apologies - This is Nirvana's masterpiece and the fact that he killed himself a few months later makes it what it is.
Slayer - Raining Blood - Brutal to the point of depressing, but at least you wont have any Hippies around.
Staind - Home - Your typical late 90's track about a broken home and not knowing your father... quality alt metal.

Thank god for anti-depressents and everclear to make the sad go away/drink the sad away.

p.s. Bob Lee came up to Concordia and visited us this weekend and surprisingly nobody died.

You Don't Have To Do This.

Choices come up in peoples lives all the time. Sometimes they're important like "Should I buy this five dollar hit of acid from someone I met 15 minutes ago" (That actually happened to me about 3 weeks ago... gotta love college), and sometimes they're the complete opposite like "Humm... do I want to buy the new B-side Killers album or pick up Superbad on DVD when it comes out in a few days". I was recently faced with the self-imposed decision of whether or not to sell my Nintendo Wii in order to buy an XBOX 360 off of Mr. Tom Day and I like to think that this decision fell somewhere in between the two mentioned previously.

This idea had been floating around in my head for a while and it wasn't quite as easy as I imagined it would be. Sure the Wii was just about as innovative as anything I've ever seen in my life (I don't get out much)and as soon as I played it I was hooked like a freshman is hooked on snorting Adderall in the weeks preceding finals.


The problem was that as soon as I was not playing with a group of people it just wasn't that fun anymore. The problem was compounded whenever I would play games like Bioshock or Gears of War at friends houses and I had a great single player experience. I mentioned the idea to Max a few months back and when he said he started to think about it after I mentioned it I realized that it wasn't that half baked of an idea and I'm pretty sure it made it on the Stache blog(by the way - sorry Max for being such a bad person and giving you that idea).

So yeah, I did it. I sold the Wii on ebay, then I bought Tom's 360 with a couple of games to boot. Do I feel bad about it? I really don't so bad about the decision as I feel bad about how by selling my Wii for a 360 I'm admitting to everyone (but most importantly myself)that I can't grasp the coming times or revolutionary game play.

Am I happy about the decision? Fuck yeah, I couldn't be happier. I love Halo 3 and I've found that I'm actually really fucking good at it. I don't play that often (I'm not even kidding), but when I play online I manage to usually lead my team and end up with the most kills quite often. It's been suggested by a few that, aside from making me Aryan, god's greatest gift to me is my ability to pick up just about any game and become devastatingly good insanely quick and Halo has reinforced that.

Did I make the right choice? Who knows, but I've spent too much money and lost too many percentage points in my classes to worry about that anymore... I've got some Halo to play.

p.s. Has anyone seen the Bob Dylan biopic "I'm Not There"? I really want to and it sure as hell isn't in Moorhead.

This Is Going To Hurt

My dad sends me these things in the email and I am powerless to not post them here.

Stepping Outside the Circle

I'm almost certain that I've found the funniest website on the internet. It's not college humor or any of the countless amazing internet cartoons. It's Conservapedia.

Conservapedia is at its most fundamental form an alternative to the clear liberal and atheist bias that is shown in nearly every Wikipedia article. The site uses a similar layout to Wikipedia (I think it uses the same engine) and boasts of over 20,000 "educational, clean, and concise entries" that give you a good clean feeling after reading kinda like the fealing I get after I attend an Aryan brotherhood rally on the first and third wednesday of the month.

Similar to Wikipedia's "Did you know..." and "In the news", Conservapedia features not only the "Daily Bible Verse", but it's own "Breaking News" section. In todays Breaking News section it is stated that " "Wikipedia lies to exaggerate the credentials of atheist Richard Dawkins." See Bias in Wikipedia. Rather than donating to Wikipedia, perhaps atheists should give money directly to Dawkins!". Gee wiz!

My favorite feature on Conservapedia is without a doubt the Random Page tool which drops you off in the middle of a hoedown, bum-fuck article that will more than likely make you regret ever having the use of your hands in order to click on the random page tool(was that a run on sentance?.. fuck it). I hit a Deliverance homerun with my first click of the random button which left me at the "Gay Bomb" article. It made sure to reference the Clinton administration as well as a link to the "homosexual agenda" page on Conservapedia.

When I saw that Bill Clinton had been mentioned, I felt compelled to check out what these pig fuckers had to say about our 42nd president. To my astonishment (followed immediatly by me scream laughing in a public setting) the second sentance in the article simply said "Clinton aggressively advocated homosexuality." with a link to this website as a referance.

I'm not really sure how to end this post so I'll do it the only way I know how... Here is my last random article that I clicked on in that hell hole and I could think of no better way to end this or any post. Click

God Knows I Try

Alright, I'm taking a break from writing my 10 page report on Nigerian health issues due in the A.M. that I've put off all semester to show you this gem. It's been around since 1994 which means I've been wasting 13 years of my life not playing it. Make me proud and fuck his shit up.


Why the fuck didn't I find this when I was 10?

I'd like to thank the Academy.....

Following a pretty decent Thanksgiving weekend, I thought I'd do a post of things I'm thankful for. Instead, I'm going to talk about some admirable people, whose existence I'm thankful for.

1)Andy Reid and the Philadelphia Eagles-for making some ballsy calls early on and nearly defeating the most dominant team in NFL history.
2)Wes Welker-for being the best white player in the league (excluding quarterbacks and a couple linemen)
3)This kid-for leaving me speechless
4)Whoever decided to bring THIS back-because it's just so Stiche
5)Oh shit, I almost forgot about this.

Uhn Tis Uhn Tis Uhn Tis.

Well... I've managed to put off all of my homework that I brought home for Thanksgiving break up to this point by sheer determination and apathy(wait, what?) and I figured why not put it off just a little bit longer and make a post.

For the most part it was really nice to get back to B-town for Thanksgiving to see some firmiliar sights and faces and be able to just relax. When I actually think about it I have quite a few things to be thankful for that I've done/seen/taken advantage of in the past few days on break.

1.) I got to see a bunch of people that I haven't seen at all for the past few months and thankfully none of them have joined any cults that I know about or gotten themselves too heavily addicted to hash.
2.) I went out with a handful of friends to Big Lou's tobacco shop and dominated a couple of hookahs which made me realize that if it tastes like a mango it's gotta be healthy... right?
3.) Wednesday night I got together with Julie, Troy, Jeff, Paige, and Nate and watched one of the funniest films I've seen in the past year - "Behind The Mask". It's part horror film and part mocumentary and it's just so fucking funny in so many ways. It tells the story of a film crew that follows a mass murderer before his slaughter and there are strong "Office" and "Spinal Tap" vibes that come through in the best ways. If anybody gets a chance to see it or even pirate it I strongly suggest doing so.


4.) I realized how fucking awesome it is to throw a party at Ellens' house without him being there or knowing about it until after the fact. I don't think I've seen him that angry at me or anyone for at least a few years( he wasn't even that pissed when his XBOX 360 was jacked), but it was so worth it.

I'm so sick of turkey.

Hey Bitches

Hey, I'm back home so if anyone wants to see "Stiche" in real life feel free to call me so we can hang out.

Cause Caucasians Are Just Too Damn Tall

Just do what the post says.

Just click it and don't ask any questions.

The Fire Burns Eternal.

Moms… you’ve gotta love ‘em. They just always seem to be there for you no matter what your problem may be. When you’re young they will help you out in cases such as if you’re outside and get a cold they’ll give you some soup. If you fall of your bike and end up scraping up your knee they’ll clean it off for you and put a band aid on it. If the stripper you hired for your grad party dies from too much blow, they’ll help you put her into a trunk and make the problem just “go away”.

Luckily it doesn’t end just as soon as you move out which is a lesson I found out just a few weeks ago. My mom and I take the same medication (not important which one, but as a heads up it’s legal) because we have the same condition (also not important which one, but it’s not contagious) so when I forgot to order some more when I ran out my mom offered to give me some of hers just to last me a few days until I came back a week later for thanksgiving. I happily accepted because It’s a bitch to get it on a short notice and figured “Hey, why not”. Instead of giving me the pills in a normal pill bottle she grabbed the first thing handy… A plastic earring bag and put in some pills and handed it to me.

Normally, I would have asked her what she was thinking just because it looked so damn sketchy and she works with drug users on a daily basis(lets be honest though, anybody who works in the Brainerd Lakes Area work with drug users on a daily basis whether we admit it or not) so she should know better than anyone else how that would look if I got caught with it, but I decided to let it slide because of all the other good things she’s done for me in the past.

God I love my mom.

P.S. I'm making this a caption contest photo.

P.P.S. This will be that last caption contest for a while so make it count... I'm pretty much out of good pictures of myself so feel free to put up any "Stiche-esq" photo any of yourself that you think makes the cut.

Yo Ho Ho.

What makes a hero? Well, here at The Stiche Corner it takes a special quality to put them above just being a hero and being a hero befitting of the name Stiche. What is that quality? I'm not even sure I know myself, it's more of just a gut feeling and I got that feeling when I found out about Admiral Horatio Nelson and that's why he is the first "Stiche Hero"


"In days of yore when men were men and battles raged across the lands and glory swept the seas, there came upon the world's stage a great leader whose courage and classical good looks quickly became the stuff of tabloids and tavern talk, and you guessed it, legend. Horatio Nelson was his name: adventurer, true friend of the ladies, admiral of the greatest armada ever to set sail"

Horatio Nelson was the guy who led the British fleet to a victory against the combined Spanish and French fleets at the Battle of Trafalgar. It was at this battle where the British prevented Napoleon's forces from invading England as well as the battle where Nelson told his sailors the famous line "England expects that every man will do his duty", which needless to say got them all into a "I'm going to fuck up some Spaniards and Frenchies" mood. Sadly, Admiral Nelson was shot in the spine by a sniper's bullet which led to his death later in the day. Fortunately for his bad ass cred, he waited until he found out the English won the battle before dieing from getting shot in the fucking spine.

His last words have been in dispute over what was actually said and it's split between; "Thank God I have done my duty.", "Drink, drink. Fan, fan. Rub, rub.", or my favorite "Kiss me, Hardy". As a side note "Hardy" was Thomas Hardy, the captain of the HMS Victory... I'll let you choose which one you feel would be most fitting of a 18Th century sailor.

That eloquent passage at the top of the post comes from the back of Admiral Nelson's spiced rum bottle, which needless to say, nearly brought to me knees after reading it. Check out the front label.


Is it just me or is there more than just a passing resemblance to this well known spiced rum...

Un-Friggin-Believable

Seeing this immediately made me want to play Halo 3 again.

I fear that I must turn to Josh Ellens at some point here. Just call him up over Winter Break and say "Josh, I'm going to need to spend about 8 straight hours at your house sometime soon. When is good for you? Tuesday?"

For those of you who havnt seen these videos i think they are pretty funny. others may not think so but i thought id post them anyway. theres a few more on you tube just search for unforgivable

The Next Episode.

There are few things I hate more than my 8 in the fucking morning speech class. I've always dreaded public speaking for some reason that's beyond me (it probably has to do with all those cats I lit on fire as a kid) so when I realized I'd have to take a speech class for a whole semester I knew that I'd have to make the best of it and find the little things in it to keep me going.

This morning we began giving our persuasive speeches which is just what it sounds like, we are supposed to persuade the audience into thinking the way we do on just about any topic we could think of. Most peoples were pretty damn lame like "stop drinking bottled water" or "avoid crash dieting", but there was one speech that trumped all of them within 30 seconds of starting.

A kid named Mike began his speech just like this - "Why is marijuana illegal? it's a plant that grows in the dirt which makes it natural. How is marijuana, which is completely natural, illegal while there are complex drugs out there that give 80 year old men Hard-ons".

I even looked at his note card after the speech and he had underlined the phrase "Hard-ons" several times for what I'd imagine emphasis.

I never thought I'd hear "Hard-on" used in a college speech, but I was wrong.

We Will Never Die...

Living life to its fullest is never easy. Especially when you go here, the conservative capital of the WORLD, Fargo, ND. And when I say conservative, I mean it. Papa bear Bill O'Reilly would look like Goldie Locks in a nice cardigan sweater around here. Yes... that conservative.

"Hey you, over there. Get yer shit kickers on and follow me, we've got black people on the road." "Why yes sir, I have had sex with my cousin." or the ever famous "What's the difference between a black person and a picnic table?" are all too common phrases thrown about here. It's almost as if I live in West Virginia.

Maybe I don't fit in because I don't chew tobacco? or maybe it's cause I don't hunt anymore? or maybe it's cause I am not racist/inbred?

I am no longer a man here, but rather a concubine domestic capable of cooking, cleaning and knitting.

Trapped in a hotbox with cold crosswinds, my soul lowers itself till I am on par with the drunks at the bar.

Left for death, I find solace in the warm, euphoria of long-cut needles and down-home twangin'

Now my soul rests.

Rising from the ashes of the occasional Marlboro man, I am no longer a man, but a MAN

And thus life goes on, in a vicious cycle of crutches and cows, conservatives and cess pools

Always living beside you, looking down, and laughing.

I am conservative

Aspire pt. 2

Alight, the last photo didn't have a very good turnout in the caption contest so I figured I'd bump it up a notch to Stiche factor 5. Best one will win some more points and you all know I'm a narcissist so make me proud.

Pure Genius

Never before have I seen such a brilliant combination of intellectual and physical combat.

Let it slide

Chris Rock is (or at least was) a funny guy. He stole whatever scene he was in in "Dogma" and his TV show "Everybody Hates Chris" was pretty damn entertaining whenever I watched it. The best thing he ever did though in my opinion was a sketch called "No Sex in the Champagne Room" which was on the album "Bigger & Blacker". So when I saw this in my bathroom the other week I was pretty fucking impressed.


look closer...

Fiat Stiche

And Max said unto the Lord,
Lord, I found this sweet video,
but I need somewhere to put it

and the Lord said unto him, Let There Be The Stiche Corner,

And it was good.



Amen.

Don't say it doesn't matter

Guitar Hero is badass and everyone knows it. It would be quite an accomplishment to find someone who hasn't played it or at least thinks it looks like a fun game because you get to rock out the guitar to some of the best tracks in the history of rock. It was created by two separate companies Harmonix and Red Octane and needless to say, they did a good job. This isn't a post about Guitar Hero though.
Red Octane was bought out by another company leaving Harmonix unable to continue with the series so what did they do? They created Rock Band. Instead of just being able to play guitar along with your favorite songs, you now get to sing into a microphone as well as rip the shit out of some drums. It'll cost 50 bucks more than Guitar Hero did and it'll be well worth it. Yeah it'll be sweet to play drums and sing, but a single bonus track puts it over the top so check it out here.
God I'm pumped

"Which Beat?"

Nietzche says "God is dead." Is he?

So I guess I am supposed to write about booze, right? Or at least music, maybe?

Fuck that!

Now I know that this is "The Stiche Corner," but c'mon, there is more to Stich's life than drinking and music. How about the never-ending supply of "hey look at me, I'm stoned!" moments or the deal-breaker, "ten dollars and a quickie?" It seems that we have only scratched the surface of this omnipotent being. God exists in the fact that he walks the earth in the form of a blonde haired, blue-eyed aryan with a doughy physique and a vast knowledge of chemistry and women's studies.

This almighty being that is Stiche, commands us to put our fair share of money in his collection plate and asks for complete devotion, usually in the forms of bj's and suicide bombings. Yes, we are all asked to do it. All in the name of Stiche.

So when you go to church on Sunday, forget about the "man that nobody knows," and start stealing for the man everyone knows. C'mon people, his streak can't continue with out you.

Oh, and beware of the man that lives in Room 169... his corruption invades your mind and makes you have a severe egotism, only rivaled by his indelible hunger.

Aspire

Caption contest: Whoever can create the best caption will win points kinda like in the MM blog. Not sure what they'll be for but it'll be a caption contest nonetheless.
Pt. two: whoever can tell me what date and where that picture took place will also win points.

What a way to spend time.

Aside from work and class, music and shows consume me. I enjoy nothing more than a song or a movie that can send a chill down your spine again and again. It's even better when I can't be sure why. Here are some of my most played albums, all of which consistently deliver the spine tingle:

• Andrew Bird - Armchair Apocrypha
• Bird was trained from a very young age in the Suzuki method (I'm going to train all my kids in it, methinks) with the violin. Additionally he plays piano, glockenspiel, guitar, and does some pretty incredible whistling. I can't get enough of the instrument layers, which never get too busy.
  
• Team Sleep - Team Sleep
• Chino Moreno of The Deftones goes crazy with the guitar effects on this album. This sideproject is best described as trippy, with reverberating and piling guitars. Again Moreno's voice really shines, the most stable and guiding element of a guitar-based landscape that feels like it has real depth. This group really lets it rock sometimes, yet in such a way it feels like dreaming. I dunno man - just trippy.
• Sigur Rós - Takk...
• This album really makes me want to go to Iceland. All of the bandmembers are multi-instrumentalists. Again, gajillions of layers and instruments. They have shared their studio with such artists as Björk and the amazing The Album Leaf (also featuring the drummer from Sigur Rós on multiple instruments on Into the Blue Again). I had just started getting interested in this group when Sam Walker showed me the music video for the song "Glósóli", which is basically the greatest music video of all time.
• Alexisonfire - Crisis
• I didn't like screaming in my music until I listened to this album. This post-hardcore band is named after The vocals are shared by George Pettit and Dallas Green. Petit runs around shouting and foaming at the mouth the entire performance (which is hella cool and hella metal), and Green (who I just discovered and downloaded while writing this has a bare and haunting acoustic side project called City and Colour) has the most melodic hard rock voice I've ever heard. Alexisonfire hails from Canada, where two of their albums have reached platinum. Their performance with Saosin was ridiculously cool. They are sweet as hell, with explosive drumming that will obliterate you.
  
• Fountains of Wayne - Traffic and Weather
• The men who brought you "Stacy's Mom", easily the least good song [because the whole damn thing is good] on their album Welcome Interstate Managers, returned this year with even more delicious power-pop. '80s keyboards have never sounded so appropriate, to include the '80s.
• Name Taken - Hold On
• Huge guitars with huge melody - Name Taken rocks hard, but it doesn't get old. I really like the singer's voice. I don't know why; it's just good. Though they split up for a time, the band is back together, and I'm anticipating their next release more than just about anything.
• Murder By Death - In Bocca al Lupo
• In Bocca al Lupo is an Italian "in the mouth of the wolf," an Italian colloquialism meaning good luck. As far as I understand it, the saying refers to the she-wolf who in legend raised Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome. 'nyways... It's a concept album about sin and redemption. Transgressors range from cowboys, to pirates, to coal miners. In addition to having a cellist in the band, the lead singer changes his voice and singing style to better suit the content of the song, at times sounding a goddamn lot like Johnny Cash. Me likey.
  
• Family Force 5 - Business Up Front, Party in the Back
• I may not agree with some of their more conservative Christian beliefs, but these guys know how to party and do so full of genuine love for their fellow man. Their tour was sponsored by a pretty sweet clothing company that exists for no other purpose than to support charitable causes, Jedidiah. None of their lyrics are explicitly religious with the exception of single line in one song, so its definitely appeals to much broader audience. They played a show here in Madison that far surpassed their album, and I would recommend them to anyone. Just to give you an idea of how funky they are, the band members all have nicknames: Soul Glow Activator, Chap Stique, Phatty, Crouton, and Nadaddy. I love the keyboards, and the vast amount of purple on their persons is astounding. I cannot begin to describe their music, so I will allow it to speak for itself.

Time is running out

A couple of years ago I bought an ipod because it was just what people were doing those days (that and tar heroin) and I felt like I needed one too. I'd use it more than some people would, but at most 2 to 3 hours a day and usually only while driving or doing homework.
I don't have a car here at Concordia, but I sure as fuck have homework to do which has caused me to use it more than ever. With that said here are 10 albums that I've found myself listening to the most since I've gotten here

10.)Alice in Chains - Dirt. This album was written and recorded while singer Layne Staley was being consumed by his heroin addiction and it shows with 6 of the 13 tracks blatantly spelling it out. Sound depressing? Oh it is, but is still a masterpiece of the 90's.

9.) Mastodon - Leviathon. Leviathon is a concept album based on the book "Moby-Dick" and features some of the most creative metal I've ever heard.

8.) Silversun Pickups - Carnavas. I usually don't listen to much indie/alternative rock, but Silversun Pickups is the exception. The music on Carnavas is relaxing and comforting, but the sense that any moment it could erupt is why it's on the list. I'd recomend this to just about anyone.

7.) Queens of the Stone Age - Lullabies to Paralyze. This is some good shit.

6.) Metallica - ...And Justice for All. This is trash metal at it's finest and with an average track length of about 7:16, it's my favorite Metallica album and great to get shit done with.

5.) Radiohead - Kid A. I first heard this album this summer while at Jeff Spear's house at a fire and I just loved it. Before then I had never listened to Radiohead at all, but now I'm hooked and I'm no better than Scott Tenorman.

4.) Beck - Sea Change. This is Beck stripped of his samples and ironic lyrics and left with his acoustic guitar, string arrangements and a ripped out heart. This is the most beautiful album I've ever owned and I suggest to anyone to check it out.

3.) Deftones - Deftones. In this album Deftones pull out all the stops and just get to work kicking ass left and right. Singer Chino Moreno uses his voice in ways I had no idea were possible and shift it on a moments notice. When (not if) I die at the hands of government agents in a hail of gunfire this is what I expect to be playing in the background.

2.) Muse - Absolution. Absolution is one of the most exciting albums I've owned in a while due to it's innovative use of bass and piano.

1.) Radiohead - In Rainbows. Ever since I downloaded it a month ago, this guy doesn't get old. It manages to be great just as background music for when I'm reading an article or when I'm actively listening to every word and melody.

As you can see by the list only one of these albums was made in the past year so feel free to give me some ideas on other music to burn my money on.

Beer

If you laugh as hard as I did.... You're going to hell for sure.
Sorry I don't know how to upload videos.

Muqqala Muqqala!

There are a couple of Indian (Ghandi, not Sitting Bull) dudes down the hall who do sweet Indian dance, and this dude is their hero.

Now it is a good video for the most part, but the events which occur at approximately 4:08 make it truly extraordinary.




Good job, India.

Have mercy

I don't want to start a trend with this by posting this picture because its horrible and extremely offensive. That said I found this so damn funny and I still chuckle every time I think about it. I'm sorry.

Like a water nymph... in a magical pool

I have a pretty simple last name. One syllable. One simple consonant sound, followed by awww, and ending in 'k'. So how is it that so many people can misspell, mispronounce, or simply not understand ---- B-O-C-K. There's no r's, l's, or a-c-h's, or o-c-h's.
It's Bock motherfuckers.
I'm sick of this.

On another note...

I'm sure I've heard it before...
But what is Stick's streak?

What, do you think I study?

It's that time of year again when I look forward to Thursday nights. I don't look forward to them because I don't have class until 10:30 Friday (although I do) or even just to see all the people who get trashed for "Thirsty Thursday" (it's pretty damn funny though sometimes). I look forward to Thursday because It's the single greatest night of television this world has ever seen. From 7 until 9:30 I go brain dead watching TV instead of being even halfway productive and here's a little rundown of why.

My Name is Earl - I was worried about how funny the series could be with Earl going to prison last season (fuck spoiler alerts), but I was wrong as hell. Having Earl in prison actually helps out due to all the rape jokes as well as shiv jokes.I'm not sure how this happened, but I think it might have passed The Office for my favorite show on TV. damn

30 Rock - This show actually deserved to beat out all the other shows at the emmys last year. The humor is actually pretty smart even though quite a few of the jokes are based around Tracy Morgan's character "Tracy Jordan" being a complete nut job.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnxz3acXM6w

The Office - Not too much to say other than it's still funny as hell and all the haters can suck it. In this past season shit started getting serious and somewhat dramatic, but I'm not complaining as long as there are still jokes at Toby's expense.

Scrubs - This show also got pretty fucking serious as of late too. I know that with it being the last season they've gotta tie up some loose ends so it's okay. The best part so far is bringing back Nurse Laverne Roberts who was killed off last season but managed to show up last episode... I'm not going to question it.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - This is the darkest comedy that I've ever seen actually broadcast on television. If you haven't watched it you should check it out on FX at 9:00. It follows a group of friends who own a pub in Philadelphia and their exploits which are god awful at best. All you have to do is check out the titles of some of the episodes to get a good idea what you're in for. "Charlie Got Molested", "The Gang Goes Jihad", "The Gang Exploits a Miracle", and "Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person" are all prime examples of why you'll feel dirty after watching each episode. The problem is that it's so fucking funny that you can't help but to watch again and again.

So yeah, that's why I love Thursdays and Gray's Anatomy can suck it, I've already got shit to watch.
check out this one for good measure http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wu9USNYIjDk

skeet skeet skeet

I think i just creamed my pants.

Shimmy Shimmy Ya

Maybe it will work and maybe it won't. We'll see.

Dumbfounded.

Never before have I seen such boldness. Such daring. Please: watch.

Keepin' it Stichey

Last year Cody Hummer approached me with a project. It was a great task combining his two greatest obsessions, Chester Stevenson and Stiche, or Chestiche. I was to take the following two pictures and, using the wonders of cheap photo editing software, Stichify them.

I accepted the challenge, and the next day returned to school with the following:

As far as I know, Hummer then took the pictures to the nearest printing shop and paid them to blow up and copy the pictures, before coating the entire inside of his house with the copies.

Hey, why not check out the last Nick post.

I'm not kidding, Not to take anything away from max's amazing post/photo I just want to say Nick's post (the one before Max's) is pretty damn good... Trust me...

Da Rats In Da Wallz

Thank goodness for this blog. Otherwise I wouldn't have anywhere to post this picture I found.

Stiche, Nick, Tom and Tom

hey everybody i want to take this oppertunity to recognize the one and only drink that deserves to be on this post. that drink is jim beam. it is bourbon wiskey that is sharp to the taste en yet smooth on the way down compared to many other drinks. with all that aside i want to explain my last saturday night. me stick, troy and some msum ho are hanging in holmquist hall. i entered the dorm and much to my surprize everyone but me is getting wet out of an apple. so im just sitting there as they continue hitting the apple when suddenly arose such a clatter at the door. it was none other than "the chef" and his home boy. the chef got his name because he is always baking. anyways the chef and his home boy starting talking about a recent drug deal they had taken part in. i found this very entertaining so i contiued listening. he went on about how the dealer was trying to mix some uppers with some donwers and he got all pissed cuz he took a hollywood ( a huge ass line of a drug that people in hollywood would hit like in scarface.) but he was pissed cuz he thought he was getting ripped off. then i did somthing ive never done before. i ripped off the chef! i was the marborl man/cowboy for halloween so i had a half pack of marb reds in my shirts pocket and he goes "hey troy ill buy 2 ciggs for 3 buck from you." and thats when i go " ill sell you 3 for 3 bucks." the dude abided and bought the ciggs from me. the his home boy was like can i buy some. i was like sure. so i was about to give him 3 marbs but he said he was trying to quit so i did sell him 1 for a dollar hahahahhahahahahha. i ripped those punk ass bitches off. nothing pisses me off more than punks and emos

Funny Pics at pYzam.com

Gaping Anal Distruction II

While the inaugural posts of most on this blog are, for the most part, analyses of their drinking preferences. I'm not much of a drinker, so I'll skip on that for now.

Instead, I have another issue to adress. Over the summer, I put closure to my childhood by finishing the Harry Potter series. I'm glad I finished before this news. I think it would have left a scar on my childhood psyche. The other day, a headline on the cover of Time Magazine caught my attention, so I had to investigate. Apparently, J.K. Rowling recently made Headmaster of Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore, come out of the closet.

That's right, Dumbledore's gay. Come on J.K. where's the balls? It's probably really easy to say, "oh yeah he's gay." Then why weren't there any signs of it in the books? I think it's just a cop-out to try and be politically correct and attract attention.

I also find it ironic that Albus's only real emotional connection to another character was with a little boy.

Ok, Michael.

I don't know, I geuss I'm just disappointed because I always thought of a smooth wizard like Dumbledore as a real ladies' man.

Me, I'm Not

Few things piss me off more than when a rapper or singer release a remix album. I don't know why, but I see it as a way to make a quick buck just by tweaking the bass line or throwing in a new turntable sample to replace the old one. "The Limitless Potential" by Nine Inch Nails is the exception to that rule. Trent Reznor Released "Year Zero" earlier this year and it was met with mild success and a couple of hits. Reznor created the album essentially on his laptop and there are only a handful of songs with real instrumentation on it and this allowed for an opportunity. He threw his whole album in multitrack format on the internet so fans could use programs like garageband to cut up and edit the whole album to their liking with the option to submit it to the Nine Inch Nails website for to be judged my Trent himself along with a select few other judges.

Over 200 fan submitted tracks were submitted and 21 were picked up to be included in the double album "The Limitless Potential" and it is amazing. To top it off Trent threw it online for free at 320Kb quality a la In Rainbow . These fans managed to tweak an already good album into something at times unrecognizable. Synthesized piano play over the haunting track "Me, I'm Not" to create the "Me, I'm Not (Void Mix)" and it makes the track something it never was on Year Zero, beautiful.

Overall the tracks are a bit funkier than Year Zero (although I deffinatly wouldn't call it funk) as well as having a much more processed and kinetic sound than the original so if you're into inorganic music as well as a lot of beeps and clicks this could be an album to check out. http://www.9inchnails.com/remixes/

p.s. This music is quite dark lyric wise as well as with the overall atmosphere so I wouldn't recommend listening to it on a rainy day.

Halloween Is Over

My candy corn just lost 90% of its resale value.


Hey Stiche: I saw not one, but TWO Asian dudes wearing that three hole punch thing you had last year (last year?). Everybody thought it was SO clever.

The History of Stiche

To many the name Stiche may just seem to be an over used phrase that comes out of Cody Hummers mouth, which we all know is not unlike the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going and going. . . . Well you get the idea. But what we need to understand is that the name Stiche is much more than just a tasteless joke or an unhealthy obsession, like I said before it’s a way of life. Putting all that aside I want to give everyone a little insight on the name and its different renditions to the best of my knowledge.

If memory serves me correctly long ago a group of genetically superior blond haired blue eyed Germans set sail across the Atlantic in search of the land of opportunity, bringing the name Stiche (Stee-sh) with them. Upon arrival at the immigration offices the pronuciation was changed to Stich (stitch)

Fast-forward a few generations. At Brainerd high school the German teacher (I forget his name) was a sub and taking attendance. With his vast knowledge of the German language he pronounces Jordan’s last name Stiche. The rest is history; it took off like wild fire.

After that certain people created their own renditions of the name. . .

Ben Posch = Stiche (Stee-ch-a)

Nate Puchalla = Stiach (Sti-otch)

I am not familiar with certain renditions of the name for example Stish and Stich stash. I do know that the name stick (probably the most commonly used and my personal favorite) was first used around the time 2003 A.D. by either a 8th or 9th grade football coach.

Like a caterpillar becomes a butterfly the name Stiche can also be morphed into other names for example Bundiche (Bundy) Niche (Nick) and of coarse Fitche (Nick Fitch).

So there you have it a brief history of the name Stiche. This information is correct to the best of my knowledge. Stick or anyone else can feel free to add anything I missed. And I yes I do have too much time on my hands.

Hater's Ball

So, guys I'm here for one quick post to let you know that the mustache blog HAS, indeed died. but it was replaced with the "Hater's Ball." You all need to start checking it regularly and commenting, because we're getting lonely. Of special interest is my first ever REAL post, entitled "The JHU Rundown," and some of the other great stuff that Max and Tirth have been giving out. Currently a few members are MIA, but It's basically the mustache blog without the name or baggage. So please, check it out and give it the love that you've given the mustache blog from day one.


Link - http://hatehatehatehatehatehate.blogspot.com/

Above the influence

I like to think that I'm my own person and not influenced too much by pop culture. I haven't watched MTV for about a year and a half (I just found out that the backstreet boys made a new album yesterday) and I usually don't follow trends like buying Crocs or livestrong bracelets or any other silicon bracelets. Even though I've got nothing on Cameron as far as how many sick ass amazing bands that few have heard of, I think I listen to a fairly off the beaten path music library.

I also enjoy watching film from all sorts of genres. I'm not going to claim that I have an amazing taste in all sorts of independent and weird ass films, but I think I'm okay in that regards. I enjoyed "Time Bandits", "Requiem for a Dream", and even "Mulholland Drive". Some of my favorite films come from The Evil Dead Series which I would encourage everyone to watch as long as they don't already have a fear of tree branches/rape. The Evil Dead films star none other than Bruce Campbell who is in my opinion the greatest B-movie actor of my time and has appeared in all three "Spiderman films". Fun Fact- Sam Raimi, the director of all three Evil Dead films (which had a combined budget of under 15 million dollars) is the same director of all three "Spiderman" films (which combined budget was 597 million dollars).He plays the role of Ash who is just your average guy with a love for boomsticks and chainsaws who has no choice but to kill the fuck out of the undead time and again.

So what is all this leading up to? I'm a tool just like everyone else and I can sum it up with one video

I've never been that big of a fan of Old Spice or even body spray or body wash, but as soon as I saw this commercial I was compelled to buy some. To be honest I felt a little bit dirty after I realized what I had done but the Old Spice body wash took care of that.

Don't you just wanna dance?

Everyone needs to buy this album. Now. I first read about Kenna in the book Blink by Malcolm Gladwell, which I know Max has also read. Shortly after reading it I bought Kenna's first album New Sacred Cow, and the long awaited follow-up Make Sure They See My Face meets the high expectations of his cult followers. Kenna's music is unlike anything you've ever heard, but it rings with a comfortable pop-tinged familiarity.

Stiche isnt a name. . . its a life style

Hey everybody first time blogger here. i like this new blog and i like the direction it going in. " I have no idea what direction it'll go in. . . " Just a thought in response to sticks comment i think this blog would be a good place to discuss interesting college expiriences, or the life style that is "stiche" among other things. Maybe this is the path this blog has already taken or maybe others had the same idea anyways it was just a thought.

For the future Vietnam vets out there.

For anyone who knows me or even knows of me, it's understood that I treat my liver the way an alcoholic abusive father treats his child who can't quite throw a football well enough to make it on the varsity team. So I smack it around a little to show who's who every now and again just to remind it who's boss.



With that I'll begin a series of articles based on my experiences with all things god awful for my body as well as some reviews and best of lists.



For this inaugural booze post, I'll begin with the non ivy league college student/common bum selection of booze that gets the job done with as small a dent to your wallet as possible while at the same time creating countless holes in your liver.



1. Karkov - With the name Karkov, one imagines the excellence of centuries of tradition from Russian distillers (or at least one of the former soviet block nations) that craft a clean, refreshing vodka with little bite. Well, that's bullshit. This beauty is created in the small town of Princeton, MN and gee wiz is it god fucking awful. The $12.95 for a 1.75L is a good indicator of the amount of pain you'll endure trying to take a strait shot or even drinking a mixed drink of it. But hey, it'll get you drunk

Best experience: I once saw someone throw up just from smelling the bottle... true story.



2. Ron Diaz - Ron Diaz has always held a little place in my heart because it was the first spiced rum I had ever had (nearly vomited myself into oblivion that night). For the price of $15.00 for a 1.75L it is actually a great buy as it mixes quite well with just about anything and I'm not even kidding. It works well with Dr. Pepper, cola, bleach, and even sprite. It actually has a hint of a fruity flavor lurking just below the harsh kerosene taste (trust me, it's there) and that helps to keep it down after a night of trying to repress memories from last summer.

Best experience: Too many to count.



3. Windsor - This beauty is from the fine folks at Princeton, Minnesota and it's a Canadian Whisky (trust me on this one). All I'm going to say about it is to just not drink it.

Best experience: Best?



So yeah, if you ever want to have fun at a party for a reasonable price or want to stop whatever screaming you have going on inside your head for just a few minutes, this is what you want to go with. Just a heads up - this shit will make you grimace.

Cheap Beer, because we all can't afford heines, leines, and guiness.

first i'd like to say to all on the new blog stiches corner. and i want to say don't expect a lot of goo grammer from me. as you can see i will rarley use capitol letters in sentences. it's tno that i don't good grammer. i simply choose to say fuck it, i have better things to do. but i digress.

bundy i like your taste in beer, it's great. and you have expanded your horizons and you've learned well. i'm glad to hear this. but for us kids who are on a budget of roughly 15 a week and want to gete shit faced i'll give you a list of the best cheap beers in my opinion.

1. busch light- tastes good, and for 13 dollars you get you a bang for your buck, and you will actually take a solid shit in the morning. women seem to like this beer as well. so its good way to meet a nice lady at a party.

2.keystone light- like josh said, it's cheap, great for pong, but i've noticed there is usually a headache in the moring, but nothing too severe

3.natural light or ice- for 10 bucks a case you can't go wrong, though it lacks a bit in taste is is better than some 15 dollar beers, again great for drinking games.

4.milwauke's best- commenly refered to as beast is great beer that few know about. it is the only good miller product on the market in my opinion. it 11 bucks for a case and it will get you fucked up. but gut rott is often prevalent in the morning

5.old milwauke- with the slogan of "americas best tasting beer" it's not a total lie. good but again not as well known. its a good taste, with little after taste. definetly worth trying at least once.

again to go off what josh said, miller is shit. it is really bad and would never recomend it. it's a headache in a can and your mouth will taste like shit in the moring.

thats my rant on cheap beer. tell me what you think. and if you have any suggestions for a good cheap beer let me know i'm always trying new things.

Gaping Anal Destruction

I drink very little, and I'm a freshman in college, but despite all odds I think I'm becoming a booze snob.

I just do not see the appeal of drinking shitty, shitty beer and doing shots of disgusting vodka until I slur my speech and I can't walk straight and I feel hot and tired. That is not for me.

I think my problem is I learned how to drink from my parents, so I like what they like:
Dad-
1.Vodka tonics with lime: bitter and delicious
2. Bloody marys: smooth and spicy and invigorating. Best when served with a spicy pickle, to cut the tomato

Mom-
1.Good scotch: straight, or with a little water. Warm and tingly.
2. Wheat beer: smooth and flavorful
3. Red wine: Tasty and warming. Really great with good food, or some cheese.

Translation: I drink like an old man. All I need is a smoking jacket and a swollen prostate and I'll be set.

Plus side: I get to feel superior to people who drink super-sweet shit that doesn't even taste like booze. Also to people who purchase pre-mixed drinks--fucking jack and coke or white russian in a can? Ridiculous. Making the drinks is half the fun.



P.S.: I just watched Star Wars last night so I'm still a little pumped up from that.

Tribute to Stiche

I figured this blog, since it's in the name of stiche, would enjoy some beer snobbery. Let me start by saying that, surprisingly, I'm not the alcoholic I envisioned. I did some drinking in high school, but VERY little. And I don't do much more than that here at college, but I have developed a keen sense for beer starting a long time ago. I never drank much, but I do love beer. I enjoy sitting back in my free time and knocking one back just for the hell of it, and this is my beer knowledge to this point. I will rank the beers I have had thus far: Guinness Extra Stout, Heineken Original, Keystone Light, Coors Light, Miller Lite, Leinenkugel's Honey Weiss, Leinenkugel's Original, and I've had six different types of Sam Adams, each with a very different taste, but the beer list is getting huge enough, so I'll just talk about my favorite Sam Adams - Honey Porter. (I also must say that I am biased toward full beer as opposed to light. I'm not trying to be a hardass, I just really like the full flavor better.)

1. Heineken Original - this shit is delicious. The malt flavor and hops really come through together to offer a very full taste, but surprisingly clean finish. If you're a fan of light beer and want to go on to something more a) manly, b)tasteful, then a Heine is for you. You can definitely drink one and not feel a heavy gut. I give this beer an A-, because I haven't had real German beer yet, and I'm hoping that will rank higher.

2. Guinness Extra Stout - this beer is not for the faint of heart. It's actually BLACK. If you're new to beer drinking, keep away. Guinness has a very bitter finish that new beer drinkers won't necessarily like. It's more for a seasoned palate. You can actually smell the abundance (relative to other beers) of malt and hops - malt especially. It's a very thick beer, and after one, you're good. If you drink another, you may puke up black snot. B+

3. Leinenkugel's Honey Weiss - the original "chill" beer. Unless you're well-trained, the honey can't really be tasted, so don't see the name and think, "hey - honey, I like sugary shit." - NO. It's just a really good beer that you can't go wrong with when you just want to hang out. B+

4. Sam Adams Honey Porter - now you can taste the honey. This beer is actually pretty thick, right close to Guinness, but has a smoother finish. I like it quite a bit, but it's not the first beer I'd go after. The problem with Sam Adams is that it's trying to be as good as an import, but it's brewed domestically. Somehow, whether it's psychological or not, that turns me off. But Honey Porter is a good domestic experiment. B

5. Leinenkugel's Original - this stuff is actually a lot like a Heine, but less. Leinenkugel's stuff has a distinct taste present in all of their beers, and it's most apparent in original. The problem is that the distinct taste really doesn't ADD much. I give it a B- because it's a little better than average, but it is sort of blah.

6. Coors Light - sucks, but retains some kind of feature of full beer in that it is flavorful, but not enough for my taste. C-

7. Keystone Light - sucks more, as Keystone IS Coors, but shittier. at $12 for a 30 rack though, this is essential for beer pong, floorbangers, or just blacking out. D

8.Miller Lite - sucks most. This is alcoholic water with blended shit. Z-....---....-

So there you have it. If you've actually taken the time to read all of this, and you are of legal age (disclaimer), try some of this shit out. It's pretty good.

Overheard at Concordia

As I was walking back from the library tonight after about an hour and a half of busting my ass on Spanish (senora Swaggart failed at teaching me anything of importance back at Franklin) I passed by the Livedalen dorms which house mostly music majors at which point hilarity ensued.

On the first floor somebody had opened their windows as wide as they could go and put their stereo facing outward and that was hooked up to their tv. At the highest volume the stereo could go there was audio from a gay porno blasting out into the cool night as if it was a nice Avril Levign song. That brought a grin to my face once I figured out what was going on, but the best was yet to come. There was one dude just hanging out in the middle of the sidewalk just standing there listening intently while 90 dbs of man on man action rocked my small Lutheran college campus.

Good times...

Lions and Tigers and Bears - Oh My!

The crazy Halloween festivities (Freakfest) took place in Madison last night. The city spends $600,000/year to keep the peace Saturday night. I saw some crazy costumes, to include around forty guys dressed as the Spartans from 300. On Friday (before the real celebration begins), after pumping themselves up by running up and down the stairs to the capitol building, they did their run/charge down State Street, where the police attempted to force them onto the sidewalk (on Friday the street is open to regular traffic, which is limited to buses, police vehicles, and taxis). Few left the street, so three officers made an example of one by tackling his near naked body to the pavement.

I was Cedric Diggory. My entourage of about twenty people dressed as Harry Potter characters went to State Street together. I stayed with them for about 5 minutes. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, but the party on State Street is overrated and rather strictly supervised.

Bundy: I saw two guys dressed as The Ambiguously Gay Duo from SNL.

On a totally different note, I really want to see the film version of "Into the Wild". Besides the praise of Mr. Wanninger, I've learned from my work at Starbucks, where we sell a digital download of the soundtrack, that Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam is the composer. Fantastic.

Aw What The Fuck

You can always use another blog.

This is Halloween, This is Halloween

As you all know halloween is right around the corner and it's one hell of a good time. The problem that I have is that I am too lazy to either:

1) Come up with a good costume idea

2) Actually construct said costume

3) Remember to wear it on halloween

Well, this year that'll all change because I actually have come up with some damn good ideas mostly on my own.

#1 - "You in the Morning"

Description: It's you after a hard night of drinking with people you shouldn't trust

What you need: Steady Hand

Sharpie/black marker

Basic penis drawing skills

Application: Just draw as many dicks, curse words or odd shapes as you like on yourself and all you have to do is walk around acting like you are hungover.

Precaution: Try not to use anything that's too permanant on your body.

#2 - "Crazy dude saying the world is going to end guy"

Description - You will be the person who raves all day and night saying how we're all sinners and the G.O.D. is pisses off.

What you need: Clothing that resembles what a Father/Pastor/Religous leader/Hobo would wear (depending on what angle you want to take)

A Large Crucifix

Large sheet of cardboard that you can carry around that says "the end is near"

Ability to strike fear into the hearts of sinners.

Application: All you need to do for this one is to walk around waving a crucifix wildly in the air or point it directly at suspected sinners. Another thing you can do is to grab your head as though you have a migrain and start screaming in tounge or say you're getting a vision from above that there is "evil present in this very room".

Precaution: Probably not the best idea to wear this one at a church run halloween event.

#3 - "Huffer"

Description: In this one you become the guy who walks around small dark allys huffing spray paint or glue out of a paper bag.

What you need: Paper Bag

Silver or Gold sparkly substance that resembles spray paint

Clothing that's got outdated logos or class of '95 or before printed on them

Ability to pull off a look of failed dreams/fleeting look of happiness in your eyes

Application: Just apply a liberal amount of gold or silver body paint around your mouth or nose to give the hint that you've been going down to the lower lot. You also should have your paper bag in hand and breath from it every few minutes and directly after stare into space for a few seconds.

Precautions: Don't use real spray paint or glue unless you trully want to have a night to not remember.

So there you have it, a few ideas for Halloween. With a little creativity and elbow grease anyone can become whatever they want for Halloween.