For the future Vietnam vets out there.

For anyone who knows me or even knows of me, it's understood that I treat my liver the way an alcoholic abusive father treats his child who can't quite throw a football well enough to make it on the varsity team. So I smack it around a little to show who's who every now and again just to remind it who's boss.



With that I'll begin a series of articles based on my experiences with all things god awful for my body as well as some reviews and best of lists.



For this inaugural booze post, I'll begin with the non ivy league college student/common bum selection of booze that gets the job done with as small a dent to your wallet as possible while at the same time creating countless holes in your liver.



1. Karkov - With the name Karkov, one imagines the excellence of centuries of tradition from Russian distillers (or at least one of the former soviet block nations) that craft a clean, refreshing vodka with little bite. Well, that's bullshit. This beauty is created in the small town of Princeton, MN and gee wiz is it god fucking awful. The $12.95 for a 1.75L is a good indicator of the amount of pain you'll endure trying to take a strait shot or even drinking a mixed drink of it. But hey, it'll get you drunk

Best experience: I once saw someone throw up just from smelling the bottle... true story.



2. Ron Diaz - Ron Diaz has always held a little place in my heart because it was the first spiced rum I had ever had (nearly vomited myself into oblivion that night). For the price of $15.00 for a 1.75L it is actually a great buy as it mixes quite well with just about anything and I'm not even kidding. It works well with Dr. Pepper, cola, bleach, and even sprite. It actually has a hint of a fruity flavor lurking just below the harsh kerosene taste (trust me, it's there) and that helps to keep it down after a night of trying to repress memories from last summer.

Best experience: Too many to count.



3. Windsor - This beauty is from the fine folks at Princeton, Minnesota and it's a Canadian Whisky (trust me on this one). All I'm going to say about it is to just not drink it.

Best experience: Best?



So yeah, if you ever want to have fun at a party for a reasonable price or want to stop whatever screaming you have going on inside your head for just a few minutes, this is what you want to go with. Just a heads up - this shit will make you grimace.