Death By Deer

Against my best interests, I'll do a quick post.

A while ago in Bio we were working on the reproductive system and some of the things that were said in class were so good that I had to write them down. Because it was 8 in the morning, I didn't remember that I had written these gems down until now, when I'm studying my ass off for the final tomorrow. Enjoy

Dr. D started class off by saying something to the effect of "No matter how old you are, some things will always be inherently funny. Like Penis or Vagina or my personal favorite; Erectile Dysfunction."

We all chuckled because she was trying her darnedest to break the ice and loosen us all up for god knows what when a kid to my immediate left replied, "So do you mean LDS?"

Dr. D - "LDS? I'm not quite familiar with that."
Kid to left - " Oh, you know, LDS. Limp Dick Syndrome."

There was about 5 seconds of just silence before Dr. D started laughing hystericly and like the tired sheep we are, joined in too.

There were more exchanges throughout the class about testes and what happens during birth at the hormone level, and even a little snippet of her child birthing experiece culmonating with her causing her husband to bleed from squeezing so hard and screaming "Don't you ever fucking touch me again" (she slipped).

The best part though was when Dr. D was talking about how the fetus when it becomes large, puts a lot of pressure on the bladder. Dr. D is all about us making the connections between the body (lazy) so she asked "What is it that pregnant women do as a result of this".

Some winner in the back replied "Well, don't they wet their pants all the time?"

some people.

Porkchop Sandwiches

yeah. I'm almost done with school. I've got two finals tomorrow and then because of a school loophole, I'm able to take my third final (which was supposed to be tomorrow as well) on Thursday so that's nice.

Because I didn't plan nearly well enough for finals I've been going to bed late and waking up early for a while which isn't too bad, but after this long it's strating to get to me. I'm not too good at dealing with being tired (narcolepsy says what?). I've slowly been building up a wicked addiction to caffine all year and now it's getting to be not all that funny anymore. Since Sunday I've drank a case of Diet Dr Pepper and about 10 bottles of Vault. shit. fuck it.

Speaking of being addicted to uppers I figured I would throw this out there. There might be a Crank 2 coming out in the near future staring Jason Statham again and it supposedly takes place right after the first one. As in it takes place right after he fell out of a god damn plane and smoked the ground. I don't know what to think of this but I can only hope that this is real just because I want to someday meet the exec. who green lit the film.

I'll leave with this. Everybody has a video or two that they can watch countless times on youtube or college humor, and I've got one too. It always manages to make me smile no matter how stressed or confused I am (which is more and more often as time goes on) so please check it out and I promise it's not a rick roll.



EDIT - I brought my xbox 360 home last time I went back just because I knew I would piss away my finals playing GTA IV. I can't fuckin' wait to get done then waste my summer away playing it.

Tragedy, Tears and Laughter

So, today I was killing some time during my open hour, and I came across this.
Tell me the headline isn't at least a little humorous.

That Little Guy? I Wouldn't Worry About That Little Guy.

Yeah, I'm just going to take a quick break from studying to share with the world.

I'm a fan of facebook for a handful of reasons, but my absolute favorite is finding inconsistencies in peoples profiles. Here's an example of what I'm talking about.

A friend of mine (who'll remain nameless) who I'll refer to as "Mount St. Ellens" has recently gotten back together with an old girlfriend and within 10 minutes of it becoming official between the two of them, it became official on facebook with a relationship status of "in a relationship with..." Problem was that he didn't change the very next status which was his looking for section.

It still reads "Whatever I can get".

I'm sure it was just a simple overlook, but its still funny to me to think that right after getting into a relationship he's still on the prowl for more. It might only be funny to me because of my massive sleep debt accumulated throughout the week/semester/year, but who knows.

Upon Hearing That His "Brah's" Ladyfriend Cheated on Him

Brah 1 - "Lets go right now, I don't give a fuck about my econ test tomorrow. I'll put on my cut-off tshirt and you can grab yours and we'll head down there and fuck some shit up!"

Me - "Are you two going to beat the shit out of a girl?"

Brah 1 - "No, we'll just scare the living shit out of her."

Me - "right."

Easy Killer

Trent Reznor is one busy motherfucker. I've mentioned on several occasions that NIN is one of my favorite bands and I'm always excited to hear about new developments or material that manages to make its way to the masses. Let me give a quick little history lesson to explain why I'm so happy right now...

Ever since 1989 with the release of Pretty Hate Machine and all the way up to 2005's With Teeth, Trent would release a major studio album (not counting remixes or ep's) just about every 5 years (PHM-1989, The Downward Spiral-1994, The Fragile-1999, With Teeth-2005).

This isn't the case anymore.

In early 2007 NIN released Year Zero which for many was a half-assed effort full of clicks and glitches, but I thought it was a damn fine record and that's all that matters right? This was a great! An album in only 2 years rather than the normal 5.

Trent wasn't done yet. He allowed fans to remix the fuck out of it and he released that bad boy as The Limitless Potential. It wasn't a real album created by Trent himself; rather, it was his personal favorites and it was good.

Instead of taking a break he released another remix album Y34R Z3R0 R3M1X3D which consisted of proper remixes created by the likes of The Faint, Saul Williams, and the Kronos Quartet. Was he done yet? Fuck no, he just finished his last contractual album to Interscope records? Why stop there?

Recorded in just over 10 weeks Ghosts I-IV which was a damn good instrumental album and fuck, it cost 5 bucks.

Well, I guess the NIN train isn't stopping just yet.

Trent just released a new single entitled "Discipline" on the radio today and it actually features vocals. Word on the street is that the track was mastered yesterday and he wanted to get it out as quick as possible and I would have a hard time saying that he didn't get that baby out as fast as he could.

On the NIN website today it said "2 weeks" for a while and last time he did that, Ghosts I-IV came out.

Could it be Year Zero pt. 2? Please god

Are You Anywhere?

Well, when I wasn't relieving myself all over Nick and the surrounding area, I had a pretty damn good weekend.

Nick summed it up quite nicely - there was 151 (I took a solid 4 shots from what I can remember) as well as navel piercings (although not mine) at Julie's party and it was one of the more badass one's I've been to in a while based solely on the ridiculous level of my blackout. Fuck it, it's all good.

I managed to watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall and I've gotta be honest: that movie fuckin rocked. It truly was a Judd Apatow film (well, he produced it) and there were a shit ton of one liners all the way though. It also contained a few things that every film needs to have. There was full frontal male nudity and if Borat taught us anything, it's that a penis is funny no matter who you are. There was dirty, dirty songs, one of which is titled "inside of you". I'll let you figure that one out. And of course, there was the best Dracula's Lament interpretation I've ever seen on film. Check it out (this is just some audio dubbed over some S St. in case anybody was wondering). If you've got nothing to do for two hours and want to laugh at someone's emotional pain; this is for you.

One last thing before I go. I found this today while screwing around and thought that it might come in handy eventually for someone who reads this pile.

Drip Drip Drip

Friday night there was a small shindig at Julie’s house and it was “stiche” to say the least...

Belly button piercing, 151, Jell-O shots, and of course stich pissing all over… This story begins in a room small guest bedroom with two beds. One of which stich was sleeping in and josh was in the other. I was on the floor in-between the two. Shortly after josh left his bed to go down stairs I hear the familiar noise splattering liquid after a late night. “Is stick blowin chunks?” I think to myself, when suddenly I feel a warm wet sensation on my right leg. I sprung from the floor and soon realized that stick was emptying his bladder all over the guest bedroom. I said something along the lines of stick what are you doing at which point he replies “Dude just trust me”.

I thought Id share this story because it is all that Is “stiche”.

The American Dream

The American Dream has finally come into focus for me today and here's why.

So yeah, I might be living in a utility room next year with a water heater and furnace. I'll update when I'm updated... Not sure if I can make a joke out of this any more than it already is so I'll just stop with that.

Oh, and I got accepted to UW Madison. I don't think I'll be going there though because I really think that this (Cobberville) is the best place for me.


Half way there

UPDATE: - I haven't actually seen the room, but it's been likened to Harry Potter's broom cupboard and a boiler room... I'm liking my prospects for next year

Also, Does anybody listen to Isis?

Pictures in the Gold Room

It took me 10 days of vigilant f'ing up, but I finally saw Be Kind Rewind and I've gotta say I was quite impressed with what I saw. It was just a little bit predictable, but in a good way if that makes any sense. As always (with the exception of The NeverEnding story III) Jack Black was highly enjoyable by being Jack Black and Mos Def flexed his acting muscles a bit and pulled off the leading man roll quite well (see what I did there?(could I count that as a pun)).

I put my iPod back to shuffle today. For the first 3 years I had my iPod it was always on shuffle, but I started picking up concept albums and albums that are meant to be listened to sequentially (Godspeed You, Sigur Ros, live albums) and for about 2months I was rocking out that way. I know it sounds a bit weird, but I wasn't as big of a fan of sequentially played music as I used to because I can distinctly remember hating it when a cd was set to random back in the day.

One last thing. I finally took a chance to look at my schedule for finals and found out that I'll be taking every last one of those bastards on Wednesday the 30th. Sweet

Don't Hop on the Fence

It's been one of those weekends. Everyone has had at least two or three every year and this was one of them for me. It wasn't a bad weekend (no minors or fist fights), but it wasn't really a stellar one though either.

I take that back. The weekend was just another weekend, but there were moments of greatness and moments of not so much awesomeness.

Awesomeness:
Friday and Saturday night I managed to have a good time and mingle either in the dorms or elsewhere and that was pretty fun. at one of said get-togethers I managed to find some dude who still had respect for Nirvana as much as I do. I know that when you look at their body of work it's quite simple, but it also seems like hating on them is the cool thing to do these days.

I found out about Aesop Rock. Aesop Rock is a rapper from Long Island and his rhymes are fucking sick. I've never been much of a hip-hop fan even in the loosest of definitions, but Aesop Rock transcends the genre in my opinion. Just check this video out and I'm sure you'll like it.

None Shall pass
Can you hear that flow?

Not So Much Awesomeness:
On friday night a group of D-bags decided to get shitty drunk and f up the 4th floor bathroom (my bathroom). I'm all for drinking in the dorms, but these guys decided to drink themselves silly and throw up irresponsibly. They vomited in two of the five sinks on the floor, in and around a urinal, and all over a toilet. Jesus Christ.

Not sure if this is or isn't awesomeness:
I decided to watch godfather pts. I & II Saturday afternoon. Giles had taken his DVD's back home so I ended up watching them on A&E which because of commercials added a whole lot of time onto the movie. I was watching them from 3:00 in the afternoon to 9:20 at night and was only halfway through pt. II. I guess it was cool watching the movies but I pissed away so much time while doing it... Damn.

Criminally Insane

So yeah, I had one of those "life afirming" moments the other day. In Bio Lab we're just getting to the brain and whatnot so when I showed up to lab wednesday I was expecting to work more on our fetal pigs (we named our pig "Jupiter" - he's the fuckin' king of the pigs now) and probably crack into their skull to check out what's going on inside there but I was wrong.

We showed up and our teacher, Janet, let us all know that we would be working with a real person's brain that they had donated to the school for use as kadavers and to be honest it didn't freak me out so much as just make me think deep for the first time in a while. When I was holding this person's brain, I realized that I was holding everything that this person was. This dude (or dudette) had a lifetime of memories and experiences that were all at one point held right there. He laughed, loved, probably ran from the cops all the while thinking about what would happen if he was caught and that was all controled by what was in my hands.

After class I just kind of walked around without a whole lot of direction or objective for about 10 minutes. Then I remembered that I had to study my ass off for a Spanish test so I went back to my dorm and grabbed all my stuff and headed to the library for one last hour of cramming for a subject I couldn't give a shit less about. I was down to a 15 minutes left to study and was tired as fuck so I did what any self respecting person does when they need to stay awake for just a little bit longer; I started listening to Slayer's Reign in Blood because nothing wakes me up like some uplifting music like that.

My time was up so I decided to pack up and head over to class to take that test and I was stopped by a group of three people who were conducting a survey and asked me to fill it out. To be honest I couldn't hear what they said at first because I was still listening to Reign in Blood so I had to take out my headphones and have them repeat what they had said and when they did I said sure why not.

The survey was just a single question, but with that single question I realized I was fucked in so many ways. The question read "What percent chance do you think you'll make it to heaven?" This was the question asked to me as I was listening to Slayer... shit.

By the way, I answered 45% but that was being a little bit generous.

El presentador

This struck me as funny but then again I've on an 8 day bender as of now. Gotta love cheesing.

Phoenix in Flight

It's been a pretty crazy week, but it's finally all over and time to start a new one so how about a recap.

I can rarely remember any of my dreams for some reason so I might remember one or two out of every three month span which I can't really complain with. That all changed though on Tuesday night when I managed to have a hell of a dream...
It all started on what I could only guess was a Friday night and I was in the dorms with some of my friends and we were all bored as hell and wanted something to do. Just then out of nowhere, Jungles came in the room and his face was just a massive grin as though he knew our predicament and wanted to help us out. He said that he knew a bad ass place to party and all we had to do was follow him so me being the drunk I am had no choice but to follow. We went downstairs to Grant Center (as low as you can go in the dorms) and we started snaking through a bunch of narrow hallways and soon enough we came to a dead end, but it wasn't a total dead end.

There was a little "John Malckovich" doorway and sure enough we all piled in after Jungles because we had gone too far to quit now, right? After about a minute of crawling, we come out in a basement and when I ask just where the fuck we are Jungles tells us that it's an old abandoned house in the middle of nowhere and that people come here all the time to party (it never occurred to me that a minute of crawling can only get me so far). Sure enough, the place was hopping and for being an old abandoned house managed to have a bad ass sound system playing Deltron 3030 all night with a pool table and hot tub in a few of the rooms. Needless to say the party was fucking awesome.

Well, it was awesome for a while. All of the sudden the front door opens and an old couple walk in the house carrying a bunch of luggage and bags and they look scared as hell. It turns out that it wasn't an abandoned house, rather it was a nice little house owned by a retired couple and they had been traveling Europe for the past winter and had decided to come home in the middle of a Friday night. Shit... There was complete pandemonium and everybody takes off booking in every direction and as this is all happening I trip on an empty 40 and smoke my head on a table.

By the time I wake up there are cops everywhere and I'm not just talking normal cops in blue, but SWAT along with a group dressed in riot gear. I noticed something that didn't seem odd at the time, but every single cop had an old school baton and were all twirling them at the same time. Weird, I know. Anyways the cops decide to royally fuck me and immediately cuff me as soon as I come to and they're asking me all these questions but they're talking way too fast for me to be able to answer a single one of them so they say "Fuck it, I guess you're excited to meet a soul mate in the Jail" and to my horror they start taking me to the back of a cop car.

Just as they're putting me into the back seat I see a helicopter land about 20 feet from me and I don't know what to think. Out of nowhere the Governor gets out of the helicopter and goes over to the cop that's arresting me and tells him to uncuff me. I'm confused as hell right now because this dude isn't Tim Pawlenty and I was sure for some reason that I was in Minnesota, but I didn't question it because I didn't want a B&E and minor on the same night. He told me to come over to him and he got really close to me and said "you get this one for free, kid. Next one and you won't be so lucky." All I remember thinking to myself was "are you fucking kidding me, that's it?" Whatever, I guess it makes sense.


In other news....
I'm getting really close to the 10,000 hit since I put the counter in and I've gotta be honest, I didn't expect to make it past 3,000 so thanks to whoever is reading this POS.

I'm planning on seeing "Be Kind Rewind" this week and I'm really excited about it. I've started watching fan-made sweaded films and I've gotta say I'm excited. Anybody else see this movie?

Any recommendations for random shit to listen to?

enjoy

http://www.bmezine.com/news/pubring/20080227.html

pretty sick... yet funny. just read it.

Or is it All Just Lunacy

I don't have a whole heck of a lot of time to do a half assed post like I usually do so I guess this'll have to do...

I finally filled up my iPod (30 GB) which was something I would never be able to pull off. It was actually a good thing because I was able to really look through my library and clean house on some shit that really didn't need to be there.
a sampling of albums that made it on the chopping block-
*Alter Bridge
*From Autumn to Ashes
*Audioslave (Revelations)
*most of Le Tigre
*Meshuggah (way too much for me right now)
*Revis
*The Wallflowers

I replaced them with Sigur Ros's Takk and Reign in Blood so I think I did the right thing.


I'm sorry about not getting to round two of the battle of the bands, but trust me, they'll make it up there. I'm just busy as fuck and let the greatness ferment.

I found this book the other day. I guess it makes sense that there is a book about this because I can imagine quite a few pitfalls associated with said action, but really dude? At least it's in paperback.

This one is for the kids in us all


Well, I might as well put this up too while I'm at it.

Instead of a set amount of Stiche dollars like most times, this will be a mystery box "500" style so good luck and pray I don't have a grudge against you.

Oh shit, I almost forgot about this gem. You all know my affinity for wikipedia (and in a different sense Conservapedia) but this takes the cake. Instead of trying in the slightest bit to be informative Uncyclopedia spoofs everything possible in a Wiki style. I highly recommend for everybody to check this out because it's the gift that keeps on giving because it's so fucking massive. Here are a couple to start you off. CLICK ME PLEASE - NO, CLICK ME