Do You Smell It?

I found this the other day. I know I'm usually late to finding things like that and it's been done before, but I think it's still just as effective because it combines two of my favorite things in life. Enjoy

Pie

Day 1.
Morale - high.
Status - Optimistic

I just finished the last of my mid-terms and I am confident that I rocked the last test of the day, my Chem. Test. I’m pretty sure that I may have seen one of my classmates crying quietly to herself about 10 minutes into the test. HA. Speaking of that Chem. Class, I’m in a class of just over 100 (which for Concordia pretty friggin big ((avg. class size is only about 15 or 16)) and it’s full of nursing majors and physical therapy majors which creates a hell of a gender disparity. Out of the entire class, I’m one of 3 dudes (or bros if you will). It was weird at first, but I just realized all the better chances for Stiche master flex.

Anyways, I pack my shit and get ready to head to Iowa to see my family for a few days over spring break. My whole family is from Iowa and I’m the only one to be born in Minnesota FUCK YEAH! The trip is always the same. Shitty drive then I get to see some family which is nice, but eventually boredom sets in and I just count seconds.

I make it to Iowa just after 9:00 and I’m greeted with open arms and everything is going good. Maybe I’ve been prejudice to Iowa, It’s not that bad.


Day 2.
Morale - medium-high
Status - Enjoyment

Well, I managed to see about 25 of my distant and not so distant relatives on the pops side of the family and I truly enjoyed myself. In more ways than one, the day became a sort of Family Reunion which is always nice. At around 3:30, things took a turn for the questionable. I started hanging out with some cousins who are pretty damn badass and we always have a good time. We started talking about College and how we were enjoying it and naturally the topic turned to booze. Everyone seems to enjoy White Russians and wouldn’t you know it, they love the Big Lebowski as much as I do.


Day 3...
Morale - low.
Status - So damn bored.

I’ve lost most of my motor functions due to a deficiency in overall life enjoyment. It’s a constant struggle to fake interest, but apathy is in full swing. While with my grandfather today, he did the usual; gave me old clothes of his [PIC]; gave me a one size fits all hat of the “Millennium Club“ pretty sure they weren‘t even popular in 2000/ He gave me two of the hats even though they happened to be exactly the same. yeah. Lord have mercy on my soul.

I can’t help but feel that this is some sort payment for prior sins. I am now a true believer in Karma and it’s ways. It is quite hard trying to find a light at the end of the tunnel when my vision is obscured by corn. Heaven forgive me.

Day 4 (maybe)
Morale - Apple
Status - unknown


I’ve lost track of time somehow. I’m not sure if I’ve been here for days or weeks or seconds. As far as I know I’ve always been here and this is what I’ll be for eternity. I attempted to watch the Oscars, but realized that there was no electricity where I was at. Just corn. I look down and I’m not wearing shoes, just thongs. I attempt to focus all of my energy into one moment of clarity. Of reason. Of Stiche.
Nothing.

I get into some sort of silver beast that smells faintly of apples. The horrible images that I see when I look in any direction are but streaks of all colors. But mostly corn. Then all of the sudden I realized or better yet sensed something. I don’t know how, but I knew it’s sanity. My sanity. I look all around me and see a welcome sign. It says Minnesota on it.

Then it all comes rushing back to me. I’m home. I’m a college student. I have a blog. I’m a, a, a, Cobber?

Son of a bitch.


So yeah, Happy spring break in February. If you’re in town give me a call because I’m sure I won’t have anything going on…

p.s. On the way home there was a weird rain/snow/sleet/hail weather pattern that would repeat itself every 15 minutes or so and it was the worst driving conditions I’ve ever been in. On one 10 mile stretch I counted 35 cars in the ditch. Hell yeah

Don't point that beard at me, it might go off

Since The Manly Mustaches blog died a few monthes ago, I'll have to post a link to this site here. Basically it's a blog where some guy rates famous people's beards. I highly recommend taking a look, especially if you happen to be a fan of beards.

I also found this icon on his site, pretty classic.

I encourage all of you to click on the above icon and demand a bearded president.

caption contest remix

I myself am a huge fan of the caption contests and stiche gave me permission to make one. I found my personal favorite picture of stiche so here we go... caption contest. stiche your the judge of the winner.

Winter Olympics Part Deux- the Aftermath

Once all of the dust had settled from the night before it was time to hear the stories of all of the shit that had happend the previous night. so here are some of my personal favorites.

The first was when a kid got a cut from jumping into the garabage, he tied his socks around his arm as a bandage, total badass.

Other highlights was the ridiculous amounts of puke whether i was at the house, the cafeteria bathroom, or all over the bathrooms in the dorms.

But to match the puking was the great pissing stories. To start the showers and sinks and god knows where else ws used to piss in. Our kicker first passed out in someone elses room then pissed his pants, then later he pissed his bed. Another kid pissed all over in his dorm room. And one of the best is a reciver passed out standin up while pissing in the urinal. he has a bump on his head from falling against the wall in fornt of him.

Just found out today that the captains of the team got chewed out by our coach. Apparently some fun hatng terrorist loving bitches wrote a letter of complaint saying that we were too loud or something in the cafeteria. Fuck them i say. getting mad at us for loving amereica and singing about is bullshit.

This is just brief recap of the shit show. Goddamn.

So Damn Tired

Surprise Surprise, its Sunday night and I didn't do all of my homework when I should have so, it's time to kill some time. I'm thinking of making this into a regular feature.

I've been making sure to expand my musical palate this semester which is something I've been working on all year, but just put into overdrive recently. That said, here is some music that I've been digging lately. Feel free to send some ideas my way if you'd like.

Explosions in the Sky - I found these guys recently while hanging out with some friends and one of them threw this on and I was blown away. I've never been overly pumped about instrumentals, but this band pretty much smashed that to hell. Every song is insanely powerful and they know how to build to a crescendo like no one I've ever heard. Check it out if you want to relax and take a break from vocals.

Infected Mushroom - I wish I could say that I'm all over electronica, but I'm just not at all. I've always had a soft spot for groups like Fischerspooner and back in the day Lemon Jelly, but other than a handful of groups I had nothing. Infected Mushroom are an Israeli duo who incorporate some pretty solid riffs with a shit ton of palm muting into infectious danceable music. Not sure how to describe them other than that, but if you want to shalom it up, check out their new album Vicious Delicious.

Protest the Hero - I actually saw these guys around October with someone from school who I met one night by the bell tower when he invited me over to smoke a hookah with him and a couple of other people. Anyways, we went to see All That Remains and The Acacia Stain (which fucking slayed) and Protest the Hero was the 3rd band in. At first I didn't really like the singing style or the guitar the much (the real guitarist got stuck on the Canadian border for having a shit-ton of pot so one of their friends was filling in), but I picked up their new album Fortress on a whim (and it was free on Amazon.com) and I'm defiantly a fan now. The singer manages to vary his vocals in countless ways from singing like the dude from Alterbridge, to strait up screaming from the gut, to just about everything in between. The music is really technical, and I'd almost call it math-rock, but If anyone wants to listen to insane guitar... I wouldn't call them riffs, they're something entirely different, check it out.

I also picked up Godspeed's Lift Your Tiny Fists Like Antennas To Heaven and the Sigur Ros album Ágætis byrjun' and I've gotta say, Wow. I don't know which album I like more, but I do know that I'm starting to really dig on post-rock. Thanks Josh and Cameron, nice recommendations.


my paper still isn't written... I'm thinking I need spring break pretty friggin quick.

p.s. Darin and I are thinking about trying out for the campus radio show either this year or the next. I think we could pull it off.

Winter Olympics 2008 (Concordia Football Style)

So last week i recieved an e mail from one of the new football captians for next year. The e mail was letting the team know that winter "olympics" were going to be saturday the 16th. Once i got this i became overwhelmed with excitement. I had heard from upper classmen about winter olympics and all of the fun that they had to offer. I couldn't wait to get together with the whole team and have some good clean fun.

The events kicked off in the field house on campus where we started by splitting into to teams and we played vollyball, dodge ball, and floor hockey. this was fun time. no team was actually named the champions. these games where just a warm up the the main event to take place later. This prestiges main event was the famed keg race between the offense and defense tha would be held and captain and brainerd alumni clinton strothers house.

finally the time had come for the main event(1:30 in the afternoon). excitment was in the air and the stakes were high. bragging rights for the next year where on the line. then before i knew it the kegs where tapped and the fun began. once the beer stared flowing from our keg in didn't stop until the keg was empty(which was a half hour later). but this half hour was a lot of fun, there were games of tippy cup, chugging contests, as well as pitcher chugs. it was a great time. once the keg was emptied we all ran down to the basement to the defense yelling and hoisting the keg as our trophy. after some puking by some, yelling, and pissing the drinking resumed and so did the good times.

Once we finished the fist two kegs two more were dropped off. and we continued to play games, smoke pipes, yell, sing lee greenwood's "pround to be an american." then in all the misdst of the party someone thought it would be a good idea to go to the garage and jump off of the railing on the steps into a mound of garbage. once the first person did it others soon followed. they did all sorts of great tricks like the peoples' elbow, frog splashes, and back flips. then another high light was whe the upper classmen picked "random" freshman and made them chug cans of beer that had been in the oven for roughly 20 minutes. i was one of the lucky few that got to partake in this and it blew. the party then continued, that is unti the fifth and final keg went dry.

It was 5:00 and prime time to go to the cafeteria and get some food. we left house on our journey across the street to campus. one of the best scenes of the whole night was the line of extremly intoxicated guys stumbling, yelling, wrestling, and throwing snow balls/ice chunks walking out of the house to ds(cafeteria). On this journey one nose was bloodied by ice and one bike was "borrowed" and crashed. when we got in the only term i can use to describe it was "shit show." food was thrown, plates where dropped and broken. Again "proud to be an american" was sang. we all stood on our chairs and in our best slurring belted out this classic, needless to say the crowd loved it.

After we gorged ourselves and thrown all the food we could and swooned all of the ladies with our singing, the team left an went our separate ways(we left because campus security was called). that concluded the thing that we love to call the winter olympics. then the partying for night started, but i'll save that for my next post.

Bi-quarters

Caption Contest! You all know the drill, so hit me up with the best caption and you get some stiche dollars.



My College Writing teacher, Dr. Postema, started off the year asking us if we knew what our last names meant. I had no idea because my whole family is from Iowa so I try my best not to look too far back in my genealogy, but this past Friday Postema finally found out what "Stich" really means. Supposedly back in the old country my name was rooted in the action of sewing or tailoring so... shit. I was kinda hoping that Stich meant something awesome like white haired badass or simply the old Norwegian word for crazy motherfucker. Oh well, I can always lie to my kids.

EXPLODE!!!

I was planning on doing a post on 40's but it'll have to wait. Check it



That is Aditya 'Romeo' Dev and he defiantly deserves his nickname. He's only 2'9'' and weights 9kg but his badass can lift 1.5kg weights. Here's another pic




I try my best to stay away from "funny" pictures that I find one internet, but this was just too much to say no to. Look at that BAMF for Christ sake.



wow.

Is this the sort of thing you go to hell for because you laugh?

Today I thought of this blog in psych class.

We were learning about the physiological effects of strong emotional arousal. People were wired up with electrodes to measure their arousal (heart rate, sweat, etc.). Some watched an anger-inducing documentary, some watched a scary movie, some watched a porno, and others watched a boring movie. The physiological measurements of the scary movie, the anger movie, and the porno were virtually indistinguishable.

SO, of course the discussion turned to the porno, and how the results could have been inaccurate. Some kid raises his hand and asks "Were they all guys?"

And my teacher says "In the study, or in the porno?"

And 300 bitter, jaded college students laughed and applauded.

So Cute It's Scary

Yeah... I put off studying for a multiple multiple choice quiz on cellular respiration and photosynthesis for bio until about two hours ago and decided it was about damn time for a break, so feel free to enjoy some downtime with me.

Sunday night marked the return of my favorite sketch comedy show, The Whitest Kids U'Know which for those of you who don't know is probably the funniest and ballsiest (is that even a word?) comedy on television right now. Last year, TWKUK was on Fuse, which was awesome because charter communications didn't carry it so I had to watch it at other people’s houses and god knows I did. I watched all 10 episodes from season one at least 4 or 5 times and that is not an exaggeration. Anyways, somehow IFC got a hold of the rights to air the second season and this time it's completely uncensored which essentially means a rare moment of happiness for Jordan.

Instead of waiting until Sunday night at 11/10 central and tuning in to IFC (come on check it out), I bought the first episode off of iTunes for two bucks and let me tell you, it was awesome. You could actually tell that there was a budget higher than an eighties porno (not the case for season one) to produce the sketches and it added a nice touch. There was only one sketch that seemed to drag on for too long, but other sketches such as the first rap about dinosaurs and smoking and a crime scene investigation strait up brought my grizzled self to tears.

You can check out all of the first season and a handful of new sketches from season two for free in its uncensored form for free.


On my daily search for a purpose in life online, I found this link to either the best or most retarded idea for hoodies ever. I'm not totally sure which at this point so I'll let you guys figure that out on your own.

As an update to an earlier post , I found another application /way of life/replaement for staring at a toaster that is really quite entertaining. I can't wait until I'm up for 83 hours from an oxy binge and try this thing out in it's optimal conditions. Wahooo!


Stiche dollars go to anyone who correctly tells me how many links I put in and times I say the word "Sketch" (that time didn't count) in this post.

It Doesn't End

I found this guy when I was killing time today after class.

Just check it out and reply after an hour of playing.

p.s. Does anyone listen to Godspeed You! Black Emperor?

Fear The Ear

Holy fucking shit...



When I first started looking around at potential colleges there would always be some sort of hang-up that I just couldn't quite get over no matter how hard I tried to look past things that didn't matter and actually see the college for what it was, an institution of learning (Hell Yeah to run-on's). Whether it was the fact the college was in Iowa or it was way too fucking expensive, I'd always find some sort of glairing flaw everywhere I looked and Concordia was no different. It didn't bother me that it was a Lutheran college (Fuck yeah to Sunday night prayer services) or had $100 dollar fines for the first alcohol violation (my condolences to Mr. Underhill and other fallen comrades), or even the fact it was in Moorhead (don't even need to say anything about that). The thing I was hung up on was the fact that my school mascot was a fucking cob of corn. Seriously, what the fuck dude?

That all (kinda) changed when ESPN posted this article online. Supposedly The Concordia Cobber is the 2nd best nickname in all of college sports. The only team to beat us out was the banana slugs of UC-Santa Cruz. I'm one to settle and be pretty damn happy about this...

Oh yeah, I'm still a fucking piece of corn, but I'll take whatever I can get and 2nd place is mighty fine.

Thanks Mr. B!

Time has a funny way of messing with you. One day you're loving life and having snack break along with recess, the next day you're at a middle school with bathrooms that smell like a bum after the Kentucky Derby. I can relate to this cold numbing effect that time reeks on us all every time I kick back and have a nice beverage with some friends of mine while discussing politics or how we should be striving for world piece.

When I first got to college, I had it all. Because my family loves me so much I ended up cleaning house at my grad party and received about 1600 bucks in cold hard cash (or check, but who's really counting). With more money than I ever had at one time in my life, there seemed to be a need to spend it and spend it I did. I bought a Nintendo Wii (sold it, got a 360), a notebook with my parents (not an apple, but still pretty damn good) and god knows what else. Even with spending a shit ton of money I still had way too much left over so I did what any self respecting member of society does with their idle money... I bought booze with it. At first it was nothing but the best: Jim Beam every time. For those of you who know me (or at least really, really want to better know me) you know that I love Jim Beam more than any other beverage. It just happens that it's kinda cheap and kinda spendy at the same time so it's not the drink you can afford to get every damn weekend, or in the case of the first month of school every 3-4 days, so it ends up being a special drink to buy when you get a little extra money.

The problem began when I started realizing just how much I could afford and still have enough money left over at the end of the Semester. Instead of buying Coors Light and Beam (or even Smirnoff) I started buying Karkov/Phillips or Keystone Light (Still mighty tasty) and even Ron Diaz or Admiral Nelson .

My associate in drunkology, Mr. Darin Underhill, and I came to the conclusion that the Marginal cost of buying more expensive booze did not in fact cover the Marginal Benefit that came with the better taste. It was a harsh realization that we came upon, but at the same time made sense and I hope these graphs will help you out too.



This graph conveys the simple idea that the better quality of booze one buys, the greater the monetary cost will be on them.


This graph helps the viewer understand that the longer I am in college without a real job, the less money I have to spend in any number of ways.



This is simply the sum of all my realizations and hypothesis which states the longer I'm in college, the shittier my booze will become. I've gotta be getting close to drinking Listerine at this point.

Insert Favorite Phrase Here

I don't know if this is 100% legit or even going to happen if it is real, but wow... Wow, I'm not sure what to think of this.


From IMDB...
Actor Jason Bateman has confirmed plans are underway for a movie version of cancelled TV sitcom Arrested Development. A rumored meeting between the star and series creator Mitch Hurwitz late last year fuelled speculation a big-screen adaptation of the cult show was in the pipeline. And now the Juno star has confirmed the cast has received calls from executives asking if they would be interested in reviving their roles once the ongoing Hollywood writers strike is over. He tells E! News, "I can confirm that a round of sniffing has started. Any talk is targeting a post-strike situation, of course. I think, as always, that it's a question of whether the people with the money are willing to give our leader, Mitch Hurwitz, what he deserves for his participation. And I can speak for the cast when I say our fingers are crossed."




If they can pull this off the right way and make it as funny as the tv show I don't even know how excited I'd be. Fuck yeah.

This Weekend

All in all this was a pretty shitty weekend. First of all on Friday night I ended up at some random party. I wasn’t there for 20 minutes and next thing you know the kitchen is filled with cops. Thankfully there were so many people there that they weren’t going to hand out minors to all of us. So I was given a ticket saying I gotta be at court on Wednesday and pay a 100-dollar fine just for taking part in a noise violation or something. Turns out the local newspaper wrote up a small article about the party. I guess the reason the party was busted was because some drunk guy decides he needed to go to the bathroom so bad that he crossed the street and urinated in a neighbor’s windowsill, all well a cop was watching. So that night the cops handed out 53 loud party violations, one minor, and something for emptying a bladder on a window.

Then the next day I'm back at the dorms and I find out I have a package waiting for me in the office. Sweet right? Nope... Turns out ndsu sent me a letter because they found pictures of me on facebook (witch hummers bitch ass had to put on the internet) drinking in their dorm rooms so now I gotta have a chat with the hall director and maybe take an alcohol class. How gay is that whole deal?

So anyways I just thought I would post something about this weekend incase some of you guys might find pleasure in my misfortune.

18-1

What the hell Patriots? I wanted to see an undefeated season, now I'm gonna have to suffer through infinately more crappy Eli/Peyton Manning commercials. Way to go pricks. At least Boston will shut up for a while now (until the Red Sox win another title).