Let it Bleed Pt. 1

Let me tell you a story of the most epic nature.

It all started on a bright cold day in January, with the clocks striking thirteen. A man of a very thin stature walks down a cold and lonesome street. Left, then right, his grizzled face stares into emptiness. "Only three more miles till home," he keeps muttering.

Three... oh please God come faster.
Two... why the fuck does it have to be so cold.
One... just in sight.

Stepping down the unpaved drive way, the man feels an overbearing feeling of warmth come over him. His heated house, the un-prepared chops left in the freezer... that increasingly dependent "cough medicine" his Grandpa gave him. Almost out-right euphoric.

Suddenly the man feels like something is wrong. The door's open, lights on, who is it?

The man takes one step onto the patio. BANG! An explosion rips through the homely abode, pushing the door right into the man knocking him back, ironically shielding the man from the unbearable flames. Laying in the front yard of what once was his home, he stares into the sun, with a certain distinct ringing in his ears. The sun blurs his line of sight, he cannot move. "Oh God," he thought, "I am never going to get any ass in a wheel-chair."

Finally breaking his line of sight with the impenetrable fire, he looks around and finally realizes that a door is laying on his chest. Letting out a sigh of relief, he tries to push the door off his chest. Then suddenly the door gets thrown right back at him, breaking his nose in the process.

Just then a barely visible hulk of meat peaks over staring into the bambi like eyes of the dazed citizen, and says, "Gotcha now, you Stiche."

The man had no idea who he was or why he was calling him a Stiche. About to mutter these inquiries the man gets a short jab right to the jaw, making him feel like he was in heaven. Eyes rolling back, a darkness comes over the man. "No! I don't want to leave. I think I just saw James Brown." Needless to say, James Brown was going to have to wait.

So the man is once again left into a completely errant world. Dark, opaque, nothing. The man screams for dear life. The cry echoes through the void. Suddenly a voice calls back, "What you talkin' 'bout Stichey?"

"Who is that? Why did he call me Stichey? This doesn't make sense. Am I unconscious?"

"Nope. Open your eyes, and see the masterpiece I have built."

The man opened his eyes, staring into the same hulk of meat's eyes, with another blinding background shadowing his features. "Who are you?" the man asks.

"Who I am is not important. The importance of this meeting is why you are here, Stiche. You see, you are the reason why so many of my people live in fear. With your drunken Jackie Chan style karate moves and your unbearably sexy looks, you have caused my organization a great deal. You see..."

"Wait, why are you calling me Stiche. I am not Stiche, I am..."

"Shut up prick and listen to me talk! With all of your notoriety comes
a price. Your house was only a fraction what we are going to do. Quick, give me that gun over there my friend. Now, see this gun..."

Listening to this tiresome diatribe, the man quietly prays for dear life, savoring every last minute of it. All of a sudden a shadow is cast over the once blinding background. "Did I just see a cape?" the man thought. With this thought came a sudden bang and crash of bodies hitting the floor. The big hulk of meat starts firing into the limitless sky, "Why can't I hit this bitch? Wait..."

The fat douche looks down at the bound creature, "You're not Stiche, are you?"

"You got that right cochise. Look behind you..." With that almost choreographed timing, our blond hero swings down knocking the would be attacker onto his ass. "You don't know who you are messing with, Stiche. I squatted 500 pounds."

Soon, the most epic battle would come under way.