Cash Rules Everything Around Me

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I just got this in my college email inbox. There is only one word to sum the following email with... Golden.

To the Concordia Community:

On Thursday afternoon (Dec. 27), a camera was discovered behind a
vent in a locker room shower area in Memorial Auditorium. Campus
security personnel were immediately informed and they promptly called
in Moorhead police to help investigate the matter. Initial review of
the video by police provided compelling evidence of the perpetrator's
identity. A custodian who works in Memorial Auditorium was brought in
by the police for interrogation on Thursday night and the matter is
in the hands of the police and the county attorney's office pending
formal charges.

On Thursday, the employee was immediately suspended
and informed that he was not to return to campus pending discharge
from his position. We notified the employee on Friday morning that
he was officially terminated. We expect that he will be charged with
a crime before the weekend.

Our security personnel swept the entire auditorium for any other
recording devices and none were found. The police reported to us
that they believe this was an isolated occurrence and that no one was
ever observed by the perpetrator.

Mark J. Krejci, Ph.D.
Dean of the College &
Vice President for Academic Affairs
Professor, Psychology Department
Concordia College
Moorhead, Minnesota



I thought I was going to a Lutheran college.

They made me do it

I know the poll has been done for a while, but with me being so busy shopping for x-mas/playing videogames/helping forest critters I've been kind of busy. I'm not really sure how I would have wanted the voting to go so I guess I'll just take it as it came to me.

I've gotta keep the fans(people who want me to die a slow death) happy so the streak will go on for as long as it has to. Just as a heads up, I'm going to make sure that I don't go to the hospital but if I do I'll make sure it's bad ass. I'm not going to go down with any pansy-ass bullshit like having my stomach pumped.

p.s. any suggestions on how I can turn this into a fundraiser so I can make some money off of this?

Set your phasers to liver cirrhosis.

I didn't plan on not posting for so long because I expected that I would be fed up with doing nothing after a day of being home, but I was wrong... I love having nothing to do other than play Half Life 2 (which by the way is the best game I've played since the Metal Gear games of past). I'm back so I thought I'd put up some vaguely inappropriate comics just to show I'm back in spirit as well.

Everybody seems to have their own webcomic that they swear by, but before just a few months ago I rarely read them. I'm not going to say that any one comic is better than another, but I will say that my personal favorites which are "The Perry Bible Fellowship" and "Cyanide and Happiness" manage to connect with my style of humor quite well (which says a lot about who I am as a person).

I was drawn to The Perry Bible Fellowship as soon as I read the name because Goddamn, that's bad ass calling a webcomic a bible fellowship. Anyways here are just a few of my favorites...


How about another? I can't wait to do that to my kid when I steal him from the hospital.

More? You got it! Yee Haw!!

Has this post been going on too long? Fuck it, I'm doing one more.


There are also a handful that I wanted to put on, but didn't want a post that was way too long so I'll put them here, here, and here.

I'm also a fan of the comic Cyanide and Happiness, which takes an even cruder and in all honesty a "Sticheier" joke style. Enjoy.



Last one, I swear.

Startling Meditations On War, Love, And Power Vol. 1

Scandinavia Rocks

Two recent additions to my music collection that will prove useful to me and anyone else with same/similar goals of music enjoyment and study:

• Sigur Rós – Hvart-Heim
• Hvart, the first of the two discs, features a number of previously unreleased and even a few previously unrecorded songs. Heim contains live acoustic renditions from a tour they did in their home nation of Iceland in 2006-07. I could not be happier with this as study music for my finals next week.
• The Hives – The Black & White Album
• These Swedes have taken a rather over-done genre and made it something special. Their brand of pop rock always makes me glad, but is a bit excited for studying. This will be reserved for post-exam celebratory music. I'll let you know more after I've listened to it for awhile.

The point of this post? Bands not from Scandinavia should either move there, or stop making music.

Also: I bought Dumb Luck by Dntel, who is Jimmy Tamborello of the Postal Service. So far it is very good even though he ISN'T from Scandinavia.

Cancer says what?

Concordia College may just be a small Lutheran college in northwest Minnesota, but it is still full of many a rich traditions. Take for instance in the first week of school all incoming Freshman are required to wear yellow "beanies" to create some comradery (and allow for easier selection of hazing victims). There is also the assumption that if you walk under the bell tower alone you're doomed to never get married and live the rest of your days in squalor and more than likely a puddle of your own tears.

There is one more tradition that I had the pleasure of partaking in this evening and it was a hoot. It's known as "Smoking Away The Semester" and it consists of anybody and everybody that wants to grab a cigar and light up just outside the main doors. A nice sized crowd of about 30 or so people were huddled just outside the Erickson concourse, in true Lutheran fashion, smoking up a storm.

I had been confused about what night it was going to be on and I had assumed that it was to happen Thursday night so to my surprise when I got done taking a Spanish 111 final and saw Ellens and Darin with cigars in hand I knew I had made a terrible mistake. I jumped into my car and drove down main street and stopped at the local (there are 3 in a mile and a half radius of Concordia and MSUM) head shop "Mellow Moods" and bought myself a nice fat grape flavored Phillies Blunt for $1.25 which more than likely would have faced a very different fate if it had been bought by anyone else at the store.


With cigar in hand I dashed back to my dorm to grab my zippo that had been engraved with the Jegermeister and Bacardi 151 logos (thanks troy), but to my horror there wasn't a drop of fluid in the lighter. What's a boy to do? Well thanks to Chemistry and having lived in Crosby for about two years I knew that alcohol over 100 proof will light the fuck on fire if given a spark or a flame. Low and behold I had remembered that when Bob Lee came up a few weekends ago he had been nice enough to bestow upon me about 1/4 of a liter of Everclear which I had been trying to drink for the past week, but fuck dude... that shit is intense. Anyways I put 2 and 2 together to get 5 and filled up the Jegermeister Zippo with Everclear and what do you know? It lit up.

After all that tribulation I rushed down to the group of studious smokers and lit up... It was cold and I'm not a big fan on cigars, but you know what? It was a good time.

Highlights...

I had a certain satisfaction helping my RA light up his cigar with my everclear lighter and at one point he asked what kind of fluid I was using because the flame was a deep orange/blue flame that was nearly transparent. I told him it was Zippo brand.

Dude #1 - " I smell marijuana. Which one of you bastards are smoking marijuana?"
Dude #2 - "Dude, you are"
Dude #1 - "Oh yeah, that's right. What the fuck happened to my short-term memory?" followed by a fit of lighthearted giggles.

Dude #3 - "Man, I've got a solid buzz going right now."
Dude #4 - "That's probably the acid I dipped your cigar in the other day kicking in."
(Look of sheer panic on Dude #3's face)
Dude #4 - "Nah man, Just playin'"

GPA My Ass

Here at Concordia finals begin Wednesday in the A.M. which means time honored traditions like freebasing no-doz and consuming a month worth of adderall in a two day span are finally here. What does this mean for me? Well, it means that I'll be busting my ass and trying my best not to let any of my friends see me cry (although if a girl sees it in the right setting I'm sure I'll come off as sensitive = pity lovin' (the best kind)). This also means that I'll make more and more justifications for taking breaks including actual blog posts that aren't just videos from the internet. With that in mind expect a post very soon concerning something along the lines of this...




Fun Fact: Concorida's nursing program (the one I came here for) only accepts about 30 people into the program from each class which I found out the first day of school here and its based almost entirely on GPA. Sweet huh?

the streak

people gotta quit voting on stiche to end it. its a miraculous achivement and will continue to be.

Get me an avocado, an ice pick, and my snorkel.

I think I like this video so much because this is how I've always hoped it was in real life so I guess its my second shot at believing in Santa.

Question:

Once everyone has 'Hi-Def' television, will they just call it 'def'?

That's All Folks!

There is nothing that I can say that this Looney tunes short can't say for itself.


God bless America and patriotism

No Use Crying Over Spilt Milk

I got pretty inebriated last night.

While the whole night was fun, I recall one exchange that was particularly amusing.

A girl I know was waiting with my friend and me for our "Saferide" (a free taxi for students) to show up. They were about 10 minutes late, my friend and I had sobered up considerably, and we were moving to strike for home (about a mile walk). The girl protested, and the conversation went as so

Natalia: I've been down here with you guys for like an hour. We're not gonna give up on Saferide.
Me: Natalia, sunk costs are irrelevant.
Natalia: What?
Me: It doesn't matter how much time you've spent down here waiting for Saferide. It's not like you're going to get it back if we do take Saferide, or you'll have to wait more if we don't. All that should influence our decision making is whether the benefits of walking home right now outweigh the current costs.
Natalia:[three second pause] We're waiting for Saferide.

I probably was not that eloquent, but that is seriously what I was talking about at 2 a.m. last night. Christian Barnett would have been proud.

RX Queen

Alright... it's been another late fucking night doing homework that I've had to do all semester but decided to wait until the last minute to finish. As I've got my headphones on listening to the same shit I've listened to forever when I realized a solution to my music monotony was right here. I'm taking a quick break to ask for help from anyone who reads this. Do any of you have any good music suggestions for me to pick up because Weird Al's greatest hits is starting to wear thin and I need to find a new band/album/anything to listen to.


God bless you all

EDIT: I don't know how long this will last, but right now on Wikipedia the article on Uranus has just two words describing it... "Is Hairy!!!".
I don't know how long this will last so check it out while you can. Oh yeah, keep on coming with the music suggestions, I really dig the snippets of mute math and especially scatteredtrees that I've been able to find on the internet.

Never a Broken Man

After reading about Max and his assault on the Northwestern campus I felt I had to share this gem with you. The Freedom Fighter's Manual was a booklet that was dropped into Nicaragua by the CIA in the 80's designed to inform the citizens there how to fuck some dictator shit up. It starts out innocent enough with things like "leave lights on" or "Hoard and steal food from the government", but things quickly take a bad ass turn when the CIA tells them to slash tires and my personal favorite "How to make a Molotov cocktail". I knew that the CIA was into some shady shit back in the day, but goddamn son. Make me proud and fuck someones shit up people, but preferably "the man".



I know I've said this before, but where was this when I was 10?

Allison Army On The March

Tonight I joined a marauding band of snowball warriors and marched on the other dorms.

We took the campus.

We were like the damn Persian Empire, raping and pillaging, yelling "Join us or die!", knockin' over they snow men.

I have decided there are few things more entertaining than yelling "CHARGE!" and fucking screaming as you and 50 other people run straight at like 7 dudes in peacoats.

We blew people's minds and walked a mile north in the snow. We pwned the dorms up there, pegged a couple of security guards, and headed home victorious.

I am soaked through and exhausted and goddamn that was fun.

I'm Gonna Be Sick

This is one of the coolest videos I've seen in a while. My estimate for the total cost of the video might have been $1000 including editing costs. Oh yeah, don't watch this if you're sick or if you just took a hit of acid.

skeet skeet skeet again

I just creamed my pants . . . again. Anyways the vikings are going to win the wild card chase, possibly win the Nfc, and then proceed to get their salad tossed by the new england patriots. just thought id throw that out there.

Happy Happy Joy Joy.

I'm not sure how it was with the rest of you guys, but Moorhead got a decent amount of snow this weekend. I went to bed Friday night/Saturday morning in a drunken stupor around 4 in the A.M. and up to that point there was not a single flake in the air or on the ground which was kind of a buzzkill because I had heard it was supposed to snow sometime in the night and there are few things more fun that that first snow angel/snowball fight that gets a little out of hand. I woke up at the crack of noon (my roomate decided that noon was late enough to get up and start working on a paper... come on)and made my way to Darin and Ellen' room to see how they were doing and to my surprise there was a fucking blizzard going on outside that I had managed to not notice from my own window.

I was so excited for so many different reasons, but the biggest one was easily the fact that it gets way less depressing when there is snow. Up to that point Concordia gad been nothing more than just a shitty gray abyss of sorrow and corn, but with the snow there was at least some insentive to not just start cutting only to stop when the Nine Inch Nail track I had been listening to ended.

This leads me to something that I have been thinking about lately - a generic song list with a title that is only slightly funny/clever.

Songs that would make me cry if I wasn't already dead on the inside.
(In alphabetical order because its just too hard to think about them any more than I have to)

Alice in Chains - Down in a Hole - The title says it all and I get chills just thinking about it. The acoustic version is so depressing I get sad when I listen to Jack Johnson just because they both use an acoustic guitar.
Audioslave - Shadow on the Sun - Its not so much the lyrics, its just that it makes me think of the Tom Cruise film "Collateral" and any film where Tom dies, I die a little bit.
Beck - (All of "Sea Change", but in particular) Lonesome Tears - The whole album is devastatingly sad with tales of heartache and sadness, but the string section that backs this track up adds so much sorrow...
Ben Folds - Brick - Any track about getting a girlfriend pregnant and then an abortion will bring a bamf like me to my knees.
Coldplay - The Scientist - This track only gets me down when it isn't being played/sang by either Troy or Jeff Spear at a party with a piano.
Dethklok - Face Fisted - The lyrics are actually quite humorous and clever "You're as dumb as sand,Your mom's fucking fat, Your mom blew a rat, You are a mistake, You have sex with cake", but the sheer brutalness of it all brings me down. *Note-- don't type face fisted into google and expect to find lyrics... it was horrable.
Everclear - Heroin Girl - Yeah, this is about a girlfriend overdosing on Heroin... Bummer
Korn - Pretty - Lets be honest, every Korn song is depressing, but this one is just a little more so.
Nine Inch Nails - Hurt, The Great Below, any track from any album... - Trent Reznor never really set out to make uplifting music to be sang at chruch (although I'm sure there is at least a cult dedicated to the man) so yeah... not very full of sunshine.
Nirvana - All Apologies - This is Nirvana's masterpiece and the fact that he killed himself a few months later makes it what it is.
Slayer - Raining Blood - Brutal to the point of depressing, but at least you wont have any Hippies around.
Staind - Home - Your typical late 90's track about a broken home and not knowing your father... quality alt metal.

Thank god for anti-depressents and everclear to make the sad go away/drink the sad away.

p.s. Bob Lee came up to Concordia and visited us this weekend and surprisingly nobody died.