Air Band

This made me laugh on quite a few different levels. Enjoy

Becoming

So yeah, someone hooked me up with Pantera's discography yesterday morning and I managed to listen to 3 of their albums yesterday. All I can say is that I have never been more jacked up and ready to fight at the drop of a hat while studying for my religion class or finishing math homework.

There's gonna be some Pantera come Wednesday night. Oh, as a side note, Darin and I decided we need an actual script/talking points because knowing that we'll get kicked off the air because of saying Fuck sort of stifled our flow.

Juice These Hoes

Hey Everybody. Darin and I got a radio show on KORD radio and we'll be airing Wednesday nights from 9:00-10:00 Starting next week. I have no idea what it'll be like, but what I do know is we've got something like 80,000 songs to choose from and we're able to do whatever the hell we please as long as it's within FCC guidelines (which is to say my vocabulary will be sufficiently suppressed). So please, please check it out because I've been thinking about doing this for the past year and want to know what people think about it.

To check it out click HERE and while you're at it, bookmark it or add it as your homepage if you really want.

Thanks

CHECK THAT: WE'RE LIVE THIS WEDNESDAY THE 24TH. CHECK IT OUT

Douse Basketballs in Gasoline

I had a nice Friday night. The Brainerd football team was in Moorhead (which incidental is where my college, Concordia College, is. Who knew) so I got a call from Nick asking if I want to check the game so I did just that.

When I got there, it was already midway through the first quarter and the score was tied with 7. Eventually we ended up winning, but that'll be the extent that I will talk about the game itself because that's not what this post is about.

While I was there I ran into quite a few people from Brainerd including smitty, Phil, Hummer, and of course Nick. I've gotta take a quick detour to congratulate Nick because he gave himself a full blown mullet on Monday and this was the first time I saw him since then. A full blown mullet. Props dude.

Anyways that's still not the real reason I wanted to make this post even though that was a highlight. There were quite a few mosquitoes at the game ( There were actually more than I've seen all summer which is odd because I would have thought they would have all died seeing as how it's late September now, but I digress) which caused everyone I was sitting with to get rather disinterested with the game by the time the 2nd quarter was almost over.

Everyone except for Hummer.

Hummer was anticipating the half to end not so he could get to his car and drive away in his cowboy boots, no, it was so he could talk to Chet. Yes, the legendary Chet that acts as a muse for Nuclear Balloon Arrows and The Cafe Coronaries. With less that a minute left, he positioned himself close enough to the sidelines where the teams leave to go to the locker rooms so that he was well within earshot of Chet once he began the trek himself. I was wondering why it was Hummer looked so excited to see this man. The answer came to light and erased the enigma that had plagued me for all of 45 seconds.

It was a lifting guide. Yep, a lifting guide. And not just one, but two "In case you get a friend to come along". I suppose I should mention that I've found out that Hummer has been using Prohormone which is the closest thing a person can get to taking full blown steroids without getting into the sticky situation of using drugs that are banned from nearly all forms of competition due to a vast array of side effects that quite frankly aren't too super. The funny thing about prohormones is that they happen to cause many of the same side effects that are apparent in steroids. "Some side effects are acne, hair loss, breast tissue enlargement, and prostate swelling."

Sweet.

Can't find a better man

On three separate occasions in the past 3 days I've been asked by rather attractive women, "Hey, do you remember me from Saturday night?" to which I've replied three times, "Yeah, of course I do" and then move onto some small talk. Truth be told I don't remember talking to any of them. Yeah, Saturday night was sweet as hell and I somehow managed to network my way to talking to some cuties, but at the price of not remembering how.

Call me crazy, but I'll put a tick in the win column.

Tyrants Awaken

well guys I've done it. I made it to 104 weekends in a row and I'm going to be taking next week off. Nuff said

I picked up the new Metallica album Death Magnetic a couple of days ago and I've gotta say I'm impressed. I know Metallica is one of those "cliche" bands that just about everyone likes to a certain degree whether it's just a track or two like "Master of Puppets" or "Enter Sandman" or every last album they've pumped out since Kill 'Em All. I like to think that I'm somewhere in between. I want to avoid sounding like a pretentious D-bag, but I am a big big fan of Their first four albums with ...And Justice For All being one of my ten favorite albums of all time. Call me a heritic, but I'm not that big of a fan of the Black Album and I'm not sure why. That said, I didn't like anything they made in the 90's because lets face it, it sucked (I want to stress not sounding pretentious though when I say that). And I guess you could say I was in the minority of the population by enjoying the hell out of St. Anger, but I have a tough time explaining why so I'm just not going to.

That leads me to Death Magnetic. It fucking rocks. The riffs are badass and they come at you at a ferocious speed that's been missing from their work since ...And Justice for All and it sounds like they've been hiding in a cave since 1989 in a good way. They sound almost as if they're trying to emulate themselves from the Master of Puppets era, and if they are they did it in a good way. My only gripe on the album is the lack of double kicks, but that's just a personal preference. And to those who say that the lyrics suck; they're only half right. Metallica lyrics have always been ridiculous so it shouldn't be that big of a shocker when they still are. I can't say anything that hasn't already been said and said better, so if you like rock check it out. Plus they aren't bat shit crazy pissed off if you download it anymore.

I'll try to turn this into a regular part of this blog, and I'll start right now with the first Giles quote. A little bit of preface though first. Giles is a friend of mine who is a lot like me in that he often says things that make little to no sense that are often funny with little to no context of what he was saying. So i give you the first Giles quote

-(I entered the room mid way though a conversation that a drunken Giles was having with someone on the phone) "I was going to drive all the way to the cities just to make out with you", said Giles in a wistful tone.

I Used To Do Drugs. I Still Do, But I Used To, Too.

This weekend has been full of good news. I'll give you a taste of the best.

The Postal Service, which is one of my favorite bands, are according to the Sub Pop Records web site are now active which could mean a follow up to their album Give Up . Even if they don't make a new album and just do some quick touring, I'd be happy as hell still.

Here's a taste (The District Sleeps Alone Tonight)


In other sweet ass news, Mitch Hedberg's people are releasing an album of unreleased material recorded two months before his death.Do You Believe in Gosh? will be coming out on Tuesday the 9th so yeah. This is an album that I will actually buy. That's saying something.


I was going to hold onto this video for a special occasion, but this will do. Everybody who experienced this in Mr. Lade's class will remember this fondly.
Enjoy

Fowl

I know it's been quite a while since i posted here, but i ran into a couple stories that are, in my humble opinion, definitely Stiche-worthy.

First off, I was doing my occasional scan of the good ole' Brainerd Daily Dispatch and came across this. 1-800-STAMP24 to 1-800-TRAMP24, quite stichey indeed.



And for all you track & field fans out there, I give you this gem. That fellow did nothing wrong, he probably just needed to relax before a big jump. Besides "alcohol is not classified as a performance-enhancing substance and is not formally prohibited in athletics competition." Red Bull and vodka great combo my Russian friend.

Stiche Hero Part 2

When the words emperor, eccentric, and bat shit crazy are found together, one is hard pressed to find anything of value much less a hero. That's actually true, but they all describe a special breed of hero; a Stiche Hero...

In the span this blog has existed, there so far has been only one man who managed to earn the title of "Stiche Hero", and I'm speaking of course of the majestic epitome of man that is Admiral Nelson. His dominance (and more than likely loneliness) on this blog has finally met it's match.

I give you Emperor Norton



Emperor Norton, who's common name was Joshua Norton, was a cut above the rest. If there were two things going for him in life, it was his balls and his clinical psychosis. Norton, wasn't the emperor of some small Caribbean island or a piss stain of a nation in the olden days of Europe, he went a cut above.

In 1859, this crazy son of a bitch proclaimed himself the Emperor of the United States, as in the United States of mother fucking America. In order to fully understand how he came to be the mother fucking emperor of the US, one must delve into his past to discover what differentiates a man who in all likelihood had conversations with dogs from the average person.

Using 40,000 dollars that was left to him in his father's will, Norton decided to move to San Francisco and try his and at business. Beginning with investments in the stock market, he quickly amassed a fortune of a quarter million dollars. Through a series of circumstances (which I don't feel like getting into) Norton decided to buy a shit ton (that's a ship load to city folk like you and me)of Peruvian rice in the hopes of selling it at a large profit. Well, lucky for us, it didn't work out and he went bankrupt he went in self-imposed exile only to return a few short years later off the reservation

Fed up with "The Man", on September 17, 1859, he proclaimed himself the first emperor of the US and later added "Protector of Mexico" to his official title in an early attempt at trying his hand in the imperialism game by becoming a "protector" only to later exploit the hell out of it's indigenous peoples. Long story short, he never quite managed to exploit the Mexican population, but that's not to say that it wasn't on his mind from time to delusional time.

Almost immediately after taking control of the nation, Emperor Norton (or Lil' Empy Nor, setting the precedent for rappers to add "Lil'" to their name over 100 years before it was fully implemented) issued numerous decries over his minions (formerly "Americans") including...

-Dissolving the congress
-Abolishing both the Democratic and Republican parties
-Ordering the the Roman Catholic Church AND Protestant churches to ordain him as emperor

Although delusional and "insane in the membrane" (also commonly known as "insane in the brain") he was loved by his fellow San Franciscans. Either through admiration or fear of being defecated upon, many owners of the finest restaurants would give the emperor their best meals for free. He also created and used his own currency which surprisingly enough was actual paper money as opposed to the imaginary kind popular at the time with the schizophrenic of the day.

So I ask my readers that next time you get a delusion of grandeur, to grab a hold of that delusion and ride that fucker to the grave.

I've Never Been Good At Court Ordered Goodbyes

Well, I'm planning on reading both The Audacity Of Hope and Faith of Our Fathers in the coming weeks. Which should I read first?