Son of a Bitch

I want to mention something I saw in class today, but I need to preface it. I love mythological animals as much (if not more (I fucking love the band Chimaira)) the next guy, but sometimes people just take things too far.

Case in point, today in class I noticed that the girl in front of me has a unicorn tattoo on her back. Not her lower back mind you, it's in between her fucking shoulder blades... Unless it's some sort of family crest (lord help them) I don't know what to think.

Yeah

Hey everybody, if any of you know who Giles Henry is or want to have a good time please listen to my radio show Wednesday night at 9 as it will be another Giles Henry special.

Trust me, it's the best thing you could be doing on a Wednesday night.

I'll Give Her The Tony Danza

Halloween check list...

• Shitty jeans that can be thrown away - Check

• D.A.R.E. (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) T-shirt - Check
  

• One (1) can of Gold spray paint - Check

• Red Ski Mask - Check

• Brown paper bag - Check

• Ability to look higher than a kite - Double Check

• Really bad idea - Check

I'm ready

The Streak is Done

yep, the title says it all. The streak was fun while it lasted but we all knew that it had to end eventually and 108 isn't too shabby. A friend of mine told me upon hearing that it was done that the next big number I could shoot for is 500 and lets be honest, if I was drinking until I was 27 without any breaks it would be pretty fucking badass/sad.

So I thank everyone who helped me with the streak be it giving me a shot, holding a beer bong for me, or carrying my semi-conscious body back to a house/campus/trailer/back seat of a car/dumpster. Next time you have a drink just remember that it could be so much worse.

God Bless America (Wherever It Is)

It pains me to put this on here because I've made very specific requests to other people not to put this sort of thing on my blog (you know who you are and for what). There has always been something inherently funny to me about pornographic movie names that are remakes of real world events such as "Armageddon it on", "Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon", and of course "Lord Of The G-Strings". So when I first read about "Who's Nalin' Palin", which is a film based on Governor and Republican Vice-presidential nominee, I laughed to myself really hard for quite a while and the best part was they were hiring from Craingslist.

This leads me to my conundrum... I don't want to be the guy who puts clips from a pornographic movie on his blog, and I've made it quite clear to someone that they cannot link this blog to a certain website (again, you know who you are). So I'm going to do what I do most times in this situation; say fuck it and let it rip.

Here's the first 5 minutes of "Who's Nalin' Palin" and it is safe for work and I promise that. No nudity, just hilarious dialogue. Enjoy.

Fifteen Cheeseburgers

I found this article today and it made me question his motives. Don't you think the guy would have used it instead of trading it?

This sort of makes one think if there has ever been someone trying to buy Taco Bell with a bottle of Jim Beam.

This is the place

Well guys, I've been trying to find some cool or clever or sweet ass way to say this ut I haven't been able to come up with anything so here it goes. This is the Stiche Corner's 200th post. Pretty sweet, right?

I've touched quite a few topics (and if we'll be honest, hearts), but they've all had that certain unexplainable essence that for lack of a better word has a Stiche-like quality to it. I'm not sure if that's a good thing, well... I'm pretty sure it's not a good thing, but lets say it is and you enjoy the content of this blog. If you have enjoyed the Stiche Corner, I am fairly certain that the format isn't going to change a whole lot in the next hundred posts.

Why? Mostly laziness. Laziness and the lack of writing skills like "grammar" and "knowledge of the English language", but that's not necessarily a bad thing I've found. I'm not sure how to qualify that statement so I won't.

So please continue to enjoy/occasionally glance at/ get angry because I made fun of herpes and if you're a contributor, help a brother out. I'm barely literate.

Aspire part 6

It's been a while since I put one of these guys up but for good reason. I haven't found any pictures worthy of caption contests until now because none of them have been up to snuff (stiche).

Make me proud America and if you put up some decent captions I'll quit with my Franzia posts

For Whom The Bell Tolls

As I was watching the football game tonight I got a call from an old friend and we'll call him Bob Lee for short. Well anyways Bob Lee had read on the blog the other night about my failed Tour de Franzia and told me he was going gung fucking ho. I'll give a brief time line of the events that transpired tonight from my perspective...

8:36 - Call from Bob (who sounded somewhat inebriated already) telling me that he was going to go for the Tour and I wished him godspeed.

8:37 - Another call asking for clarification on if the Tour can be completed by a group of two instead of group of four which I gave the thumbs up to (trust me, I said it and did it even though I was on the phone).

9:14 - While I was in my religion study group working on a project I noticed that my phone was going crazy on vibrate and found that in the span of 2 minutes I missed 3 calls from Bob. uh oh

9:32 - I check my messages and I am able to make out the words "WE FUCKING DID IT WOO HOO!".

9:33 - I call Bob back. He's pretty damn smashed and I'm able to make out every other word or so, but he wanted to let me know that he in fact completed it and as far as I could tell, they did it in less than half an hour.

Bob Lee and Georgus, Living the dream by getting blackout drunk on a Monday night drinking boxed wine that costs ten bucks a 5 Liter bag. As far as I'm concerned, I don't need to look in any presidential history books to find heroes.

Results...

After careful analysis of my attempt last night at the Tour De Franzia, the results are in. Total Fucking Failure.

I was on my fourth cup when there was a knock on the door which was answered. It was an RA (see douchbag) who said he could smell alcohol and he quickly confiscated my 5 liter bag of Franzia minus four cups.

When the 100 dollar fine is added to the cost of the bag of Franzia (18 bucks) each cup comes out to the low low price of only 29.50 per cup of mmm mmm good box wine.


That said, even though they jacked me up my wallet last night, I still have something that they cannot take away; My dream. So stay tuned because god willing it'll happen some day.

I Ask For Nothing But Your Best

“There are countless ways of attaining greatness, but any road to reaching one's maximum potential must be built on a bedrock of respect for the individual, a commitment to excellence, and a rejection of mediocrity.”
- Buck Rodgers


The Super Bowl
The World Series
The World Cup
The Tour De Franzia.

It is tough for any average Joe to be able to witness the first three events first hand let alone compete in them, which is what sets the fourth event on a whole different competitive category.

For those of you not familiar with The Tour De Franzia, it's quite simple. A group of 3-8 competitors (or gladiators as I will refer to them from here on out) assemble and each team attempts to finish a 5 liter bag of Franzia as soon as possible. Each team gets a different flavor of "wine" (and I use the term lightly) and try to race to the finish as fast as possible. That's it. However, there are some variations

- After every liter consumed, the gladiators must ride a bike around a predetermined road (or punji pit covered) course in order to continue consuming the "wine".
- For one on one competitions, two gladiators wear camelbaks and ride around a predetermined course and the last person still on their bike wins.

I can already imagine that some of you are thinking to yourself how utterly emasculating pounding boxed wine is and you're half right. It's pretty damn lame for the first liter and a half but after that you're a champion in anyone's eyes.

So next time you get the need of the hankering of feeling the wind blow through your hair while being intoxicated on something that shouldn't be consumed by any human, pull a Lance Armstrong and you'll know what to do.